Double Flee A

Names and places have been changed to protect me

News of the Dale
Dateline: pharmaceutical resources office

Yesterday at unit 5G I saw where a nurse had been in the machine and drugs were missing. I did what I usually do when it appears that somebody is gonna get in deep shit, and that person is me: I went on the offensive.
A nurse named Ketherine Bleser had said there were fiften left. There were really thirteen. That means two were missing. They were fifty mg syringes of demerol. I was next to go in, at least that's what the computer said, and so either she or I took them. At least that's what the computer says. I, of course, didn't take them. I wouldn't take drugs from this place because I don't steal, I don't take drugs or know anyone who does, and because it's too damn easy. Ketherine Bleser, if she did take the stuff, managed to knock the cable loose in doing so, which is difficult but guarantees there will be someone else to blame it on. As it turns out, I am that somebody else.
Anyway, the unit is in a state of minor chaos. No nurses are around that can aid me in my quest to get off the hook. A pharmacist comes up and figures out how to make the problem go away, which is good, but does it with my account, which is bad. Now my problem is much bigger. I talked to a couple of people who divined how to get my ass out of trouble (even though, and because, I didn't actually do anything wrong) and kept it in the back of my mind in case the phone rang today with the call "Yeah, Dale, we don't need you to come in today. Looks like you cleared your own discrepancy and that ain't cool. No hard feelings. Toodles." The phone call didn't come, I showed up at work, and everything was normal. Until I went to help out with a little problem and many of my functions were disabled. Two of the things I do every day many times to keep patients swimming in heavenly opiates are now things of the past. Ironically, I can still do these things, but I'll have to use hardware instead of software to make it happen, and now anything I actually steal will be completely untraceable as a matter of necessity. The administration puts its faith (not all of it, of course, or I wouldn't be here right now, working hard at my job) with a computer system that is easy to get around. I'll bet Ketherine Bleser would fail a quick drug test.

posted by dale @ 8:14 PM