Double Flee A

I believe that people have a need to feel tides in their beings, and that they generate these themselves in the absence of satisfying change.
For a while I had problems with my memory. During this time, I found myself on a bus with no recollection of how I'd got there or why. My thoughts at the time: "I'm on the bus! Why? Ok, I'm wearing all black! Why? I'm traveling north! I wear black at the restaurant. The restaurant is north of here. I'm on my way to work!? Yes!" That was a relief.
Other things have happened like this, like when I caught myself before falling down in high school. I was tilting to the right, slumping step by step as I walked, and then I picked up my body and kept going. It didn't strike me as strange until later that day.
I wrote a bad word on the blackboard in elementary school but didn't remember doing it until later. I was not suspected.
Things went missing and I wondered whether or not I took them. I developed a guilty conscience that I didn't deserve.
I seemed to have a problem staying engaged in the world. It was like I'd just been born sometimes. Did I turn my powers of concentration in on themselves and try to fiddle with the strings that keep me functioning properly, because of my fear of equilibrium? Was I slightly, temporarily psychotic? What is the need that I fulfilled by losing touch with reality? The episodes were such that they do not make a discernable pattern.
Although I haven't ever read anything about this, I expect it's a reality for everyone. Every single person I know can probably come up with stories like this, and it's probably so common that at this point you're asking yourself what the difference is between this and hearing about somebody's dream last night. Maybe there isn't a difference.

posted by dale @ 7:28 PM