Why some stuff sucks
Stuff that doesn't do what it's supposed to do sucks. Simple, but they obviously don't teach this in any school. They should offer it as a course, and they should let me teach it, and here's why. I'm qualified. I know when stuff sucks. Examples?Everybody knows now that Robin Williams sucks. Well, I knew that a long time ago. Did you listen? Or did you watch Mrs. Doubtfire? Because you were pussywhipped and your girlfriend wanted to is no excuse.
Toby Keith sucks, too. It won't be long before folks wake up to that one, either. His music sucks and it's not supposed to. He sucks.
Marketing dairy products to young people as "extreme" or whatever sucks. Dairy products mostly suck in the first place.
Black comedians that appeal to white audiences with racial stereotyping jokes suck. That means Chris Rock. He sucks. Chris Rock, you suck. You suck not because you tell jokes, but because you're supposed to be funny. And you're not. Hence, you suck.
Strippers suck. They're not sexy and they're supposed to be. They look like the singer in the bar in Mos Eisley from Star Wars. Dumb tarts.
Cops suck. They fuck with hardworking, innocent people who pay half their salaries in taxes while real crime is going on all over the place.
The justice system sucks. The billion-dollar bilkers from Enron and Worldcom go free and I can't even swipe some smokes without going to jail.
"Rent", the broadway musical sucks. It's the same goddamn play that all plays are these days, a sensitive look at gay people with aids in america. It's supposed to be entertaining but it isn't, unless 'gay people with aids' entertains you.
I know what sucks. Someday the people of earth will realize this and acknowledge my foresight, making me their new god. Until then, I'll just have to settle for being unappreciated.
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