Dear Dale
My phone service went out. I haven't been able to eat nor sleep, and it's interfered with my ability to work, and consequently, to pay the bills. The reason for this is that my girlfriend broke up with me and my feelings are out of control. I know she reads your blog and so I want to ask her to take me back, since she erases my emails instead of reading them. At least I think she does. It's the only explanation I can come up with for why she won't reply. I just want her back, Dale. I mean, haven't you ever been in love? You know it's the most powerful force in the world, right? I'm like a deer in the headlights of unrequited love. Cruel fate!Please publish this so that my fantasy can come true. Her name's Sally. I love you, Sally. I need you. You're the only light in my dark and meaningless life. I'd rather just die than give up on us. Marry me. I promise to like everything you like. Even your cat, Brad, who constantly shits on my bed.
Thanks, Hans Gruber.
Hans,
Tsk, tsk. Sally is mine now. I have forbidden her to check her email, and the cat went to live with Elvis. Nice guys finish last.
Shut up and go away,
Alpha Dale
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