Double Flee A

I am so goddamn angry about this...
Here's the email that will explain everything.

Hello, many years ago when I lived in your state I was a bad driver. Not "bad" in the sense that I caused anyone to die or anything, in fact, truth be told, I was in reality no worse a driver than anyone at all. In light of the disciplinary actions taken against me, it may even be said that I was a better than average driver, because anyone with that kind of record who doesn't crash and burn is either A) lucky or B) ostensibly an unusually talented driver.

Now then. I'm trying to get a license here in my home state of Minnesota, and they gave me one, but they wouldn't do it permanently. See, they know I'm good enough at driving to do it legally, but the state of Tennessee (you guys) has apparently told them that we have got details that require ironing out before you will say I'm free to drive a car a thousand miles away.

The background:
I came to Tennessee in 2001 and subjected myself to the mercilessness of the Putnam county judicial system, which saw fit to throw me in jail for ten days and fine me an amount of money that exceeded all boundaries of propriety and reason (if notably not custom) for my failure to appear in court five years prior. In addition to this humiliating procedure, I also incurred a full year of probation, which I completed dutifully and without complaint, under the assumption that I was going through motions which would release me from any further responsibility, and would result in my being free and clear to pursue the vaunted and elusive driver's license where and when I chose.

The documentation:
I received Tennessee department of safety financial responsibility section document number 10951050160 in April 2001. It states (obviously in a typing error) that I will regain the privilege to drive after February 21, 2001, as long as I have no other suspension or revocation actions against me.

And now it looks like those other actions are indeed out there somewhere. Nobody really cares, of course, but it's the law, so I'm hereby requesting the information I will need to get cleared from what must be the dustiest shelf in your unsettled driving record database.

Nearly seven long years have passed since I was behind the wheel in Tennessee, and at least as many will pass by before I do it again. So in addition to the information I have requested, I have one question: is there a statute of limitations for petty driving offenses? If there isn't, I'd be glad to write you one.

Thanks very much.

Forthrightly,
Dale Shipley
formerly of the Tennessee driver's license number x8x6x5x4x
(pho) nen-umber
Minneapolis, MN

My temporary driver's license expired two days ago (forty-five days after testing positive for conduisatory competency) and of course I received NO promised notice from the top-heavy Minnesota bureaucracy whether I passed or failed my nationwide clearance for every last parking violation. Only after spending the majority of the morning on hold listening to AK47-and-clock-tower music and automated operators was I able to determine that Tennessee (in faithful keeping with its post-war sentiment) is still holding a grudge. We will have two weeks to see whether Tennessee is as delinquent in its duty to serve its downtrodden subjects as is Minnesota. My guess is that I own a car which I will have to burn in the fires of despair for a long, long time before I am able to legally drive. Fuck.

posted by dale @ 2:42 PM