Double Flee A

An interview... with me!

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognises you from your blog?

I don't put pictures of myself on my blog. But I do turn some heads. Yow!

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? Photo blogs take ages to load and piss everyone off.

Yes, some are photoshopped. I only use little pictures because big ones throw off the alignment or whatever. With too much order and planning, the spirit of the whole page is thrown into a maelstrom of chaos and wickedness. And I just can't have that.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?

Yes. Nearly every email reaffirms my sense of confident superiority. Is that bad?

4. Do you lie in your blog?

Constantly. But about little things. Isn't it pathetic?

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?

Not too much, no. It wouldn't fit the theme. A person can say anything they want and they say passive aggressive shit, that to me is unhealthy.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?

Even though that's one of my favorite comedic mechanisms, "I bet if I killed myself, I bet then you'd be sorry!", along with people spitting liquids when they begin to laugh, so abrupt and uncontrollable is the funnyness, no. No one would care if I quit. Seriously.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?

Therapy used to be defined as a martini after work. Just so we make that distinction to illustrate the transitory nature of self-help. And no. Paying somebody to talk about yourself is stupid. Blogs are free.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?

I had to delete an entire post after somebody flipped out on me for telling him to fuck off, but I didn't doctor the record, I erased the whole thing. It was more fair to him and everybody else. I deserved it that time, too.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?

I don't know what kind of blogs you're reading, but I'd like to.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?

More, less, a jedi needs not these things.

11. Do you have a job?

Yes.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?

Mimi smartypants. I'd like to see who she makes fun of when she's drunk, and if it's me.

14. How many bloggers have you made out with?

One, I think.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?

There is no need for exaggeration. I am honest without telling people the numbers in my many, many bank accounts.

16. Does your family read your blog?

My mom does, my brothers do, but my father doesn't know about it. And until we break the ice about our political differences it's best that way.

17. How old is your blog?

About a year.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?

That feature doesn't exist on my rough and ready interface, but let's see. Not a chance. And I don't care. But I do want to know how many I get. Who wouldn't?

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?

No, I'm a slutty liar in the blog I have now. But I'm not depressed. One of the great things about being born against is you get full control over the way you feel, so there's never an excuse to be depressed.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?

No, but I made another blogger a cd with some funny songs on it. That was also the blogger I made out with.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?

Stop everything. First the one handed read and now the internet gold mine of blogging? What beautiful planet are you on and how do I get there? I make nothing from my blog.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?

Completely.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?

It has never been a long time since I posted, so I don't know.

24. Do you like John Mayer?

No. I actually hate that guy, and one lyric of his can describe why better than pages of polemic: "might be a quarter life crisis". Fuck you, John Mayer, and your whiny goddamned bullshit. Sorry. You have just played me like a fiddle.

25. Do you have enemies?

No serious ones, but I keep hoping.

26. Are you lonely?

Quite the opposite. I crave solitude.

27. Why bother?

Out of habit.

posted by dale @ 10:32 PM