Double Flee A

Jesus Christ. Downtown's deader than a doornail. Some Glasgowegian (not the irritating fake Mike Myers as Shrek, FAKE kind of Glasgowegian, which reminds me, when are we, as a culture, going to decide that it's time for Mike Myers to go the way of Robin Williams and Michael Jackson, people that we hate maybe because we used to like them but were so wrong in liking, how's that for a discombobulated parenthetical aside?) guy at the bar assured my friend and I that LAST night, there were hotties dressed like total sluts coming out of the woodwork. He elaborated. It was awful. We left, did another place, and crept to our respective homes.

Last night wasn't bad, don't get me wrong. I was getting twelve hours of the deepest shuteye, and sleep that good doesn't take a back seat to much of anything. However, a squillion hotties dressed like total sluts does call for a point of order.

Just because I feel like complaining, today I stabbed myself with a needle. Shocker.

And now, the big complaint of the day:
Every day I eat the same thing for lunch. An eighteen ounce can of Progresso Lentil soup. I buy it from Target at $1.52 apiece, and with a roll or biscuit or scone or whatever, it makes a decent lunch. It's predictable, never has any fatty mystery animal parts in it, and I know exactly how it's going to taste. In short, I love it and the daily ritual of which it is a component. I have been eating a can of this stuff, every day, literally, for months. Not broke and don't need fixin'.

Try to imagine, then, my shock and horror at opening a can of the old trusty today to find that it had been replaced by something else, something which by its nature as different automatically assumed a sinister character. Upon inspection, I discovered that when I was grocery shopping two days ago, I bought sixteen cans of the wrong stuff. Fuck. This is DIET lentil soup. At first I thought Progresso had done this cruel thing to me, but I checked their website and they haven't changed the existing product, I just bought the wrong one. A lot of the wrong one. After lunch today I felt as if I'd had a cup of warm water. I'll perish on this stuff.

posted by dale @ 11:19 PM