Double Flee A

Tax amnesty for twenty somethings proposed - (United Press International)

story

Iowa is running out of young people. It's kind of sad. They all want to move away. And everybody knows why. "No taxes" aren't going to make them stay, guys. That whole way of thinking is so... old. They'd pay twice the taxes just to be someplace where people didn't give them shit for whoring around a little. So, SURPRISE! they move. Tough shit, Iowa. Adapt or perish.

I was wiping the snow off my car this morning when a redhead crossed the street to go jump onto a bus and (probably) go to work. I didn't see her except for that red hair (like shampoo commercial hair, it was), but I could tell she was in her twenties. I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea; I'm not looking for love or anything. That base is covered, by a redhead, even, but because I ]like to look at redheads, I knew that if I'd seen her around here before, I would have remembered. It made me happy. So many people want to come here to live, and so many of them attractive young women, it makes me glad to be here.

People like to have sex when they're young. There is often controversy over hot teen sex (people think it's sick and bad until the magic hour of eighteen-year-oldness in much the same way that when you're living in sin, the sin magically vanishes --POOF!-- when marriage occurs), but the desire to reproduce, by life's primary mandate, doesn't go away at the end of the teen years. People want to do it well into their twenties, and I hear, even once they're thirty! OMG! People who want to have sex have to find people to have sex with, and the easiest place to do this is a place where there are lots of people. Especially Minneapolis. Here's why. There are so many people here from all over the place, places like Iowa, like North Dakota, from little towns where the only thing going on after nine PM is the radio station, so many people excited to be here where people want to have sex with them and where if they do it they won't be run over by the gossip train. This is where people move specifically for this purpose, from these other places. And you're trying to tell me about eliminating taxes? That idea is so stupid I had to wipe the snot off its chin. If you eliminate taxes the people who will move there are the nursery class, mid-to-late twentysomethings who want to live in a safe (white) suburb, drive a minivan, and are gearing up for their mid-life crises. Young people don't care about taxes. They'd rather sleep on the floor and eat dust than live someplace that amounts to cultural castration.

If you give young people a district where they can just run wild in some city somewhere, then they'll stay. That's how you do it. Make it fun to be young in your state. Or, I should say, just let it be fun, which life already is, in case you've forgotten, which it's apparent you have. Taxes. Sheesh.

posted by dale @ 8:45 PM