Double Flee A

dear asshole in traffic,

It was really funny today when you waited till the last ten feet to merge right in front of me. It's not like you couldn't have merged for at least a quarter mile up until then. It amused me that you wouldn't want to conceal your stupidity, that you would actually expect that kind of behavior to go unpunished. It brought a smile to my face, which, during rush hour, is an achievement unto itself. Way to go.

The hilarity increased when I swerved to the right and accelerated to close the gap between me and the car in front of me, for at that point, asshole in traffic, instead of gliding like a skilled race car driver into the spot you had been eyeing, you were forced to swerve hard to the right, which almost caused you to flip that stupid SUV of yours. That one had me laughing out loud, asshole. I especially liked how I could subsequently hear you screaming even though I had my windows up and the radio on pretty loud. You were pretty surprsed to see me laughing, I think. But I don't care. You're just some asshole in traffic. An asshole who doesn't understand that there are other people who want to get home as badly as you do, who respect each other more than you do. And we are all fed up with your shit.

Asshole, when you wait until the last second to merge, it causes people to drive too close to the people in front of them, so that they won't be the suckers taken advantage of. Which is a needless expenditure of countless brake pads and barrels of oil, when sadly, all it would take to solve this problem is for jerks like you to stop lunging for every ten feet you can get in bumper to bumper traffic. Which you will never do.

Asshole, next time you're at least going onto the shoulder where all the gravel and old tread is, if not flipping that damn thing. And if I do scratch my bumper in the process and I have to stop, I will say oops, and shrug. And later, I will laugh and laugh.

Asshole, we can settle this on the highway. You and me can have our little death match and see who gets killed. But before that happens I want you to consider something. Ask yourself: "Do I really expect to continue walking all over people indefinitely?" Because it isn't going to happen. Asshole.


P.S. Asshole, thanks. You have convinced me that I am not racist. Even though you were black and dressed like you were in some obnoxious rap video, I didn't even think of that you were black. I just thought of what an asshole driver you are. So thanks for making me feel good about my lack of racial bias. Your being an asshole, in a roundabout way, has helped me this day.

posted by dale @ 10:25 PM