i love McSweeney's
REASONS I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M FAMILY WHEN AT THE OLIVE GARDEN.By Matthew Rorem
The hostess never hints that she'd really like it if I went to law school.
The busboy is always very polite about denying my requests for money.
The waiter never hits me, pulls my hair, or tells on me for things I never did.
The manager never cheats on my dad.
The dishwashers don't like it when I hug them goodbye.
McSweeney's Internet Tendency
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