Double Flee A

The bathrooms at this school are far too quiet. You could hear a pin drop in them. And if pins were all that were dropping, it wouldn't bother me. But it isn't pins. It's poop. The bathrooms don't smell particularly bad, they are clean and well lit. But the absolute silence in there is unbearable.

There is plenty going on that I don't want to know, that I have to. It isn't possible not to infer, with a high degree of confidence, the consistency of the stool falling out of the person in the toilet stall. How? First you hear the bumptity-bump of the toilet paper roll, then the tearing of the paper. Even with the low quality tissue they have here it's possible to hear the individual perforations tear. Then guess what you're going to hear. That's right, the sound of someone actually wiping their butthole. Then the pause as they check the paper, and then the sound the paper makes as it hits the water underneath them. Then the process is repeated until the crap is wiped off of their body. I don't want to thear that, and I don't know anyone who does.

posted by dale @ 1:06 PM