1) Kill some people who need to die. You know they're out there and this is your free pass. Your free pass of killing!
2) Try to make someone smile. Dress up as Santa Claus and hang yourself upside down in a chimney on Christmas. To avoid undue trauma, pick a house without small children.
3) See how far you can swim before you sink. Haven't you always wondered?
4) Determine how many ways to kill yourself can be done at the same time. Hanging, pistol, poison, etc.
I could go on, but my imagination's probably no better than yours.
Changing gears, George Jones is a country music singer of the old school, meaning the good school. New country music is an embarassment, and to embarass country music with your awfulness is truly no average accomplishment. New country is Hollywood-rock-and-roll country. They make country music now about things that are country, just so you'll know it's country music.
Loretta Lynn was so country she was making music in the seventies about how great the birth control pill is. Now that's music by someone who is so goddamn country you could cryogenically freeze her, take her to another planet, and reconstruct from her memory the entire agricultural infrastructure of the United States. Now, on the other hand, country music has become "country music". Exhibit A in this short trial that I wish would get the country music industry the chair, we've got this picture from the web page of the American country countdown, and I can't put it any better than this:
At one point, before there was an internet, that would have been Willie Nelson gaping off into space, George Jones hamming it up, and Waylon Jennings not really giving a shit if you took his picture. Dolly might be there, too, representing the womenfolk. And by the way, Dolly is like Aretha to the new country music girls' Lindsey Lohan. Upon sharing a stage with Dolly, the new school female country music singers would melt into the plastic they are made of.
George Jones was also country when country wasn't cool, which is to say, before it sucked. I had a dream of George Jones last night, and I looked him up. He's one old feller but he still goes on tour. I woke up thinking if George Jones just loves singing country music and he gets senile, he ought to just be trotted out there anyway, and just sing whatever's on his mind, in that trademark way of his, that inimitable Jonesness. Even George Jones mumbling incoherently about deodorant would be more country than the people you'll find on this list put together.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home