Sunday

good idea

An email I received from a female reader:

I have come to the conclusion that what this town needs is an army of hoochies. They need to go around skimpily dressed and looking for attention. That way
all the ugly and old men can follow them around and I can finally get on a bus or go to mcdonalds and not be harassed.

Maybe I could pay a stripper to follow me around and any time a nasty guy starts giving me looks I could signal her to flash him thereby redirecting his attention and allowing me to escape.

Send in the Hoochies!


As much as I like the idea of an army of hoochies sashaying in a loose formation around the city (the imagination runs wild), I have to say you chose a strangely self-incriminating destination; McDonald's in particular is my number one pick for being the last refuge of barely-un-homeless old men. They used to congregate in diners at what describes better than any other measure the edges of society, before Mickey D's and their kind with their happy clowns and shit squeezed those mom and pop greasy spoons out of existence. (Those obscurities were like living museums; some of the last actual gritty urban places.) Which is too bad, because seeing those poor old guys huddled for warmth in the plastic, brightly-colored happy-land is like a floodlight, illuminating the sharp divide between those with and without hope. For us it's a cheap caffeine pop, and for them it's a way to get indoors somewhere other than their filthy tenements. These men don't have cars, either, so they take the bus, your other area of complaint. If I were you I'd get a car or start liking it. Either way, your troubles are over!

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