state of the blog address
Thank you. [waves, nods]I'd like to thank all of you for coming.
Tonight the state of the blog is strong -- and together we will make it stronger.
With balanced new initiatives we will fight the enemies of freedom... and opportunity.
Every time some strange picture appears on the Yahoo most emailed page, I will link to it lightning fast, before someone more capable can do something funnier. Asian girls will have weirdoes obsessed with doing perverted things to their buttholes, even drawing cartoons of monsters doing weird things to their buttholes, and when they do I will be posting links to it. When a politician gets busted for doing really illegal things, I'll be there like stink on rice. And every time I think something is worth writing down, no matter how dull, I'll be rattling away at my keyboard in a catatonic freak-out.
Success will not be denied. Our neighbors in the blogosphere have renewed their commitment to pointless entertainment, and to the advance of filling up the universe with metadata so highly specialized and context-dependent it is almost totally incomprehensible.
[pauses, waits for applause, waves]
It is this blog's solemn duty to reject the false comfort of isolationism, and link to every piece of shit website I can possibly find.
Thank you and good night.
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