a guy with a cart

Some days at work I sit in the IV room and make the drugs that the make the whole world sing. Other days I deliver drugs. I push a cart around. As a guy who pushes a cart around I'm part of a very large club. I can't speak for all of us, but a lot of us know that most people consider what we're doing ok only because no one has yet come up with an alternative to guys with carts.

It's an easy job with little responsibility. If somebody wants something, it's either on the cart or it isn't.
Step one of any problem solving process: Check the cart.
Step two: tell them to call somebody else.
And that's all there is to it.

I don't mind this job at all. It gives me a chance to think. What do guys with carts think about?

We think about other guys with carts. We nod to each other in the hallways.

We count our lucky stars.
1) Phil Collins finally stopped getting airtime permanently.
2) No one is going to tell me to push the cart faster.
3) I get to have almost anything I want for dinner.
4) I get to devote serious amounts of thought to how much I enjoy pie.

Is this not happiness?

Some of us cart pushers also make flyers for the places they push the carts around in. We don't expect to be suspected, either; pushing a cart around is the perfect alibi for being places, and the kind of person who pushes them isn't expected to be very bright, and certainly not one to rock the boat.

Here's one I made today:

I'm starting a band

The idea is this, the band's going to be called ROCK AND ROLL USA! (and it has to be in all caps like that so people have to shout it when they say it, how awesome is that) and we're going to record patriotic music of as many genres as possible to rally the patriotic spirit in the country. Our logo will be the American flag with the words ROCK AND ROLL USA! on it in a font made out of the American flag, which I think will boost the national pride of everyone. And how could that be bad. Song titles may include
freedom fries
your country sucks and mine rules
let the eagle soar

If you want to join, please write what instruments you can play (turntables, harmonica, etc.) and your name below and I'll contact you for a rehearsal.

I expect a lot of replies. One guy says he can play the skin flute but I think someone else put him on there as a joke. Oh well.

Other things to do while pushing a cart.
Do a quick spin if no one's watching.
Stop and wait till the muse is upon you again, then continue.
Rearrange all the objects till they look just right.


At Saturday, November 04, 2006, Anonymous hank. said...

This is my favorite post in a long time. I love this.


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