Double Flee A

...this rumor that the President is going to actually send more troops to Iraq. Yeah, that'll work. Actually it could, if there was any chance these morons would do it right. Send Bob Kerrey type soldiers, the ones we used in the Phoenix Program in Nam, and it might sort of work, for a while. I mean smart killers. Quiet guys who don't play electric guitar, rap or even talk much. Guys who got 1500 on their SATs and 0 on their personality tests. Send them to Iraq with local snitches/guides to point out which doors they should kick open and lists of people who need to be sent to Allah's arms ASAP and maybe the Arabs would stop laughing at us.

But Bush isn't that smart. He'll send a few thousand more regular infantry, who are trained in armored advances, and they'll stand around corners in Baqubah waiting for that video sniper to fire a 7.62 round right between their helmets and body armor. We're getting a lot of casualties like that, 19-year-old jocks who are going to spend 70-odd years as quadraplegics after taking sniper rounds to the neck. Bad enough when it happens in a good war, but 70 years getting your ass wiped by a minimum-wage Filipina "caregiver" and knowing it was for nothing, it was just we had a reckless idiot for a president-that's pretty close to Hell.

Dear Editor,

You self-righteous-ignorant-asshole. Who gave you he right to be the authority about the "South" or anything southern. Your family probably didn't even come to this country until after the civil war and if they fought for the fucked-up Union they were probably deserters and winers. You ought keep your man pleaser shut just out of some respect for "your" Nation's heritage. I wish I could meet you so I could school you man to boy...you worthless piece of shit punk bitch.

manavis1@verizon.net

Dear Mr. .net,

You know why we're scared to meet you man-to-boy? Because you being a Southerner and all, when you say you want to meet us "man to boy," we know exactly what you mean. The only thing that makes us feel safe is that we're not your son or nephew, but with you southerners, you still can never be too careful. As for what gives us the right to be the authority about the South...um, try the fact that OUR SIDE WON THE FUCKING WAR. DUH! You see, Jethro, the thing about coming from the winning side in a war is that you automatically earn the right to talk whatever shit you want about the loser. Those are the rules. And the fact is, there are very few losers in this world as loser-y as the South. The South is 0-1. That's a .000 record in the war tourney. Kinda makes you the original "Surrender Monkeys." The real question is, what right does a country with a .000 record have even existing? Oops, forgot -- you don't exist. In fact, you poor fools can't even hang your ol' flag up without getting bitch-slapped by a few dozen negroes, lesbians and Jews...next thing you know, the whole Deliverance crew is sheepishly pulling down the Confederate flag from their state capital, goin', "Shucks, sorry! It's our heritage! This flag represents our surrender-monkey heritage! But we're sorry!" Now, go back to assembling a Japanese car, or collecting welfare, or whatever it is you people do in the South, before we call out a few lesbian negro Jews to get liberal on your ass.

posted by dale @ 1:22 PM