Double Flee A

now it can be told

I was told secondhand by my father a couple of days ago to keep it real, so in the spirit of keeping it real, I present to you

Double Flee A Behind The Music: Jaems Flowers

Immature? Maybe. Called for? Definitely.

Ok, that dickhead at the pharmacy's real name was not James, but Jaems Flowers. It's really spelled that way. Awesome, huh?

Here's the first time I mentioned him on the blog, and here's the second.

He's about thirty two, has blond hair, three children, and a wife named Luci Flowers.

Luci used to work at my hospital years ago, but then she moved to California to be with Jaems's brother, with whom she was in love. While she was out there drinking that funny water, she --whoops, how'd that penis get in my body!-- performed a mutual inveigling with Jaems, who she married and moved back here. Love's a funny thing, ain't it? Something about those Flowers boys makes them interchangeable. I have to disclose for personal reasons that the thought of either of them having sex shocks me to the core, but the two of them doing it together will ruin the quality of my sleep for years to come. If I call you panicking someday, you'll know this was a contributing factor. Just tell me I'm not being chased and to please sit down and wait for help to arrive.

According to Jaems, Something in Luci's past was bad and was found on her routine background check. Her being fired resulted from this, which created literally an unlivable financial situation for the Flowers family. Jaems, his two children from a previous marriage, his (probably) fugitive wife, and their new hungry mouth to feed, baby Arianna will have to find a place where they don't have computers and can't find out about whatever it is she did, which in his words, is chasing them around "like a ghost". They've moved on, and are Iowa's problem now.

I was too nice to include this before, but I'm keeping it real, so he also told me about his crush on this way too hot (and normal) for him asian chick who I just watched graduate pharmacy school Friday, Billie, from Vietnam. He should have kept that to himself and I wish he had.

Why.
1) nobody wants to hear about it
2) you're fuckin' married and everybody knows your wife
3) it's disgusting because you're Jaems Flowers
a) you smell bad
b) everybody knows your whole life amounts to the consequences of decisions you made in desperation

Jaems Flowers, I hope you're googling yourself and find this, and that maybe it will serve as a warning to you, not to go Jaemsing around all over everybody like you did when, just for a while back in Minneapolis, it looked like your life wasn't going to be a total piece of shit. Which barring your winning the lottery, it is. People from all around the department (I was surprised how many, and I expected quite a few) came to me to celebrate your departure and when they did we experienced a communion of sweet bliss that you will never know, a serene joy that can only be described... as Jaems-less.

posted by dale @ 5:16 PM