Thing # 1: Anti-American Anti-Albanian Anti-Muslim Pro-Serbian Hate Rap. The only words I could make out are "Kosovo is Serbia!", something about America needing to stop, and then a Serb pissing on an American flag.

Thing # 2: The Russian SCUBA divers versus the American Dolphins
The US Military uses dolphins for various combat purposes. They don't talk about it much, but they have a website:

Well, the Russian Special Forces have combat divers, who swim around, shoot people, and blow shit up. While reading about them I came across the following passage:
"It is known, that two underwater saboteurs were lost at mining cargo ship of USA in a bay [ in Vietnam ]. They were killed [by] performing dolphins, which protected a bay. After that the employees of [Russian Special Forces] began to train in struggle against dolphins."
(found here:
and it is also mentioned here:
See Anti-frogman_techniques#Trained animals for an incident when Russian frogmen killed some trained anti-frogman dolphins in an incident off Nicaragua.
Or in a wikipedia article here:
Maybe this is fake, but the idea of American dolphins fighting Russians underwater is the craziest shit I've read about in a while.

Thing #3: The Iraqi Death Cult: We know Iraq is pretty fucked up, but just how fucked came to light yesterday, when 200 members of the Soldiers of Heaven cult in Iraq were killed shooting it out with coalition forces. They weren't Sunni. They weren't Shiite. They were members of a cult started by a guy who claimed to be the Muslim equivilant of the Messiah. Think David Koresh. Think Jim Jones. His cult was targeting Shiites, and generally starting shit with whoever. The most amazing thing to me is that I found this on Al Jazeera, and never heard it on the news. A full on "drink the Kool Aid" cult in the middle of a war.


it's obvious

somebody's life sucks

A 43-year-old Louisiana woman charged in Collier County with aggravated child abuse for piercing the pubic area of a 13-year-old girl as a way to keep her from having sex received a year in jail Tuesday and agreed to testify against the girl’s mother, who also is charged in the case.

I gotta hang out in court more.


"...despairing recruiters have some serious quotas to meet. And for the promise of a fresh, warm body, it seems they're willing to overlook a few flaws."

The perpetrator called military recruiting stations around the country disguised as misfit would-be soldiers, all dramatically unqualified or unattractive for service in some way. The resulting transcripts are hysterically funny (the writer poses as a flamboyantly gay man, a mama's boy, a martial arts freak, a junkie, an IBS sufferer and a lobotomy patient)...

the transcripts


"...police "are going to fully investigate this and get to the bottom of it.""

The moon is, oddly, more of a threat to our national security than Iraq ever was.




Like Bobby McFerrin without all the bullshit, it's a guy beat boxing

Pregnancy's maddening little helper: Menstrual mood swings may have a use after all



The engine that drives the radical Christian Right in the United States, the most dangerous mass movement in American history, is not religiosity, but despair. It is a movement built on the growing personal and economic despair of tens of millions of Americans, who watched helplessly as their communities were plunged into poverty by the flight of manufacturing jobs, their families and neighborhoods torn apart by neglect and indifference, and who eventually lost hope that America was a place where they had a future.

the radical right is built on suburban despair

Oh, by the way, I started watching Jesus Camp and had to shut it off after about fifteen minutes because watching the woman youth pastor literally made me feel ill. If anyone makes it to a half hour tell me what happens next.

Watching this gay black man man dance around will cause you to abandon the internets permanently.


I'm not sure who's getting screwed over harder here, but I'm pretty sure it's not who it's supposed to be in these prank phone calls to phone sex girls.

Sucks to be Baghdad. Try and fail to imagine how much you'd love someone driving a humvee like this in your city.




i get the best email

Hey guys I thought I'd show you this 'cause it's a video and everybody LOVES videos oh boy!
But WATCH OUT! It might be unsafe to watch if someone who might try to make you feel guilty for loving titties is standing around. Safe for work, only on a technicality.

thanks alvin


I'm missing the state of the union address tonight, intentionally. Seems to me based on the long line of amazingly poor decisions he's made, the president ought to be listening to someone else explain it rather than vice versa. I've really given up on any hope that that goldbricker would redeem himself, much as I'd love to be wrong about it.

Now a word from everyone's favorite surrealist, the fun-loving Andre:

Everything leads me to believe that there exists a certain point, a state of mind in which life and death, the real and the imaginary, the past and the future, the communicable and the incommunicable, high and low, cease to be perceived as contradictions. It would be useless to seek in surrealist activity any impulse other than the hope of determining this point.

Thanks to the simplicity and incorruptibility of the written word, it's easy to see and nice to know a lot of us are on the same page without taking it into account. I quote some other guys:

A man must be very lacking in moral sense if he needs religion to make a gentleman of him.

Boo hidy.

If you see a priest being beaten, make a wish.

Thanks, books.

Speaking of, after reading Dave Barry's freshman effort at fiction, Big Trouble, I've decided instead to spend my time with the bleak prose of J. M. Coetzee, lamenting the shortage of licorice popsicles. I'll take a stab at some of Dave Barry's nonfiction once I'm good and bummed out, since it's the taste that built the brand.

That about catches us up.


Top questions of 2006

Is blood important??

Can I get pregnant from phone sex?

How do I containerize farts?

My boyfriends penis emits screeching noises, is this normal???

Is there a way to trap a woman's soul in a jar and then hold it for a ransom of sex????

Approximately where is the vagina, anyway?

How do I get my cat to mate with my dog?

Is dumping a girl over the operating system she uses acceptable? Windows ME? Come on!

is that old adage "you are what you eat" true??? because i just ate a hamburger and i do not want be a hamburger.

Accidentally shot gf with potato cannon. Best way to say I'm sorry?

I get hairy on full moons am I... a werewolf? (I am also hairy other times of the month).

Best type of razor if you are a werewolf and want to shave your junk (for your girlfriend)?

are there ways i can get girls pregnant without having sex with them? answer quick!!

How do I erase a girl's memory?

Where can I get a fanny pack emblazed with stirring images of wolves?

how do i convince my girlfriend to let me donkey punch her???

do gay dudes high five each other during gay sex? (need to know asap)

Operating an unauthorized Red Lobster franchise out of my garage, need advice.

my bro says u ain't a man til you get the clap

how do i get rid of the clap?

How do I prove to my friend my Asperger's is more severe than his "Asperger's"?

Is it O.K. to keep my child home on days when the school teaches the Satanic conspiracy of evolution?

How do I communicate with females without ever having to talk to them?

Did the Rapture just happen just now?

How can I teach my dog to talk like a parrot?

My bro's best dawg is an astronaut, he says you can't get boners in space?

What would happen if you ghost rode a whip through an ancient Indian burial ground?

When can I find the theme song to ALF in ring tone form?

Where might I download college essays on ethics?

Why don't dogs like wearing pants?

How do I convince that girl in the Welch's Grape Juice ads to come home with me tonight?

In the market for a refurbished real doll. Best sources?

Tell me how to get in on the growing urban trend of street falconry.

Should I spit my tobacco before performing oral?

What happens if I hook an e-meter to my ballsack? I don't want to pass on any thetans to my wife.

/something awful

Appalachian State University

I don't know where the state of Appalachian is located, but I want to go there!


make a funny face



So I've been thinking about what things mean.


uh, ok

Is this actually good for something?

google maps click to call

Mysterious number 6174

The Universe within 1 billion Light Years

Middle-aged Long Island lady thumbing through magazine: Look, there's Stephen Colbert.
Husband: Who's that?
Middle-aged Long Island lady: He's a terrific Republican reporter on TV. You should watch him. He's really great. Puts the liberals in their place.

Guy #1: Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted.
Guy #2: I am. My life is so weird right now.
Guy #1: Still working on the divorce?
Guy #2: That's pretty much finalized, actually. It's this girl I started seeing last week.
Guy #1: Wait, you're dating that hot Russian chick?
Guy #2: Yeah, Svetlana*. She's a total nympho -- I haven't slept in days. She won't leave my crotch alone. Plus, whenever we're going at it she keeps calling me 'Master.' It's fucked up.
Guy #1: You just lost any chance at sympathy, asshole.

Overheard in New York

I dreamed I was on a group mission to intercept a truckload of marzipan from getting to a woman named Damascus. There was a samurai sword fight and a train involved, and the worst part, a catchy theme song that described our entire mission in about fifteen words. I'm glad I finally woke up, because dreams with their own theme songs make me feel insane. It's nice I'm getting back to work today on watches after what seemed like a long break. Wednesday we shut off the cable, Friday we drive away to our new lives in Florida. I have intentionally not seen the Al Gore movie about global warming, because I get the feeling it would make me want to buy a house on top of a mountain in Colorado, and I already suffered as only impending apocalypse can make you suffer after reading the oil we eat in February 2004. I recall the subsequent six to ten months seeming dimly lit.

(Marzipan is thought to have originated in Syria, by the way, that or two other places. I'd like to see people arguing over this.)


4 things

diary of a sex slave

why there is almost certainly no god

Dangerous Beauty: The Art of the Shiv

a gory heroin picture of "beavis".

Female people with their clothes on and then off again. Why the careful wording? Because I don't want to get piss-pounded by legions of people looking for stars of the genre of film generally reserved for adults, although that's what these people are. Ask anyone with visitor logs; they'll tell you the same thing. NSFW

I don't know what's wrong with me, but even after looking at these 64 naked women, I still love my wife. Oh well. NSFW

hi tech hack

Why blurring sensitive information is a bad idea


Classical guitarist on youtube.

Here's his website.

they revise, you forget. fair and balanced.

Michael Ledeen, a Freedom Scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and a contributing editor to National Review
Charles Krauthammer, Washington Post columnist and frequent Fox News mouth
Paul Mirgenoff, Powerline blog
Peggy Noonan, Wall Street Journal columnist

Ever since the U.S. invaded, those who pointed out that we were achieving little more than mass death, destruction of American credibility, conversions of moderate Muslims into extremists, and a serious weakening of our military were vilified as America-hating terrorist allies who wanted us to lose. Those who simply pointed out that the war effort wasn’t going according to promise were derided as cut-and-run “defeatocrats” who lacked the intestinal fortitude to fight...

All of these self-proclaimed super-patriots who spent the last three years shrieking that anyone who criticizes the war is a friend of the terrorists are now being forced to admit that the war is unwinnable. But rather than acknowledging their reversal, they seek to erase the public record...

Selective Amnesia: The American Conservative


imaginary science fair photoshops

Isn't it amazing how, despite nearly six full years of unchecked Republican power, despite a brutal and scandal-ridden rule over both houses of Congress, despite a stunning gutting of the treasury and a war that is costing us $100,000 per second, despite a lapdog media that was terrified as a Chihuahua in a hurricane of Karl Rove's appalling disinformation machine -- a supposedly liberal media that, for more than five years, didn't dare question anything about Dubya's rush to war for fear of upsetting the wailing evangelical neocon "majority" that ruled the schoolyard with a bloody iron Bible, is it not amazing that the GOP's historic national disgrace is, of course, all the liberal's fault?

damn liberals cost us the war

A scholar challenges Mel Gibson's use of the ancient Maya culture as a metaphor for his vision of today's world: is apocalyptico pornography?


no thanks

If there's a flattering way to photograph the elderly, Mark Story doesn't know about it. For all the trouble that's gone into this collection and the strength of the premise, I'm disappointed with the results. Some have described his photography as awesome, spectacular, and beautiful. Try ghoulish, ham-fisted, and undergraduate.

an excellent collection of science videos

I was buying something this afternoon and the total rang up as 1.70. I only had 50 cents in change, so I had to give the cashier two bucks. I got the thirty cents back and I'm looking at it in my hand and thinking "well, NOW I have enough coins" and I thought I remembered someone saying that when this situation comes around, it seems like you always wind up with enough coins for the transaction after it's over. I thought I'd figure it out to be sure, and not that it's all that interesting, but here's what I found.

If you've got no coins and the amount you need is less than fifty cents, you'll obviously wind up with enough afterward and this is not so if the amount you need is over fifty cents. This could become tedious if I don't do this according to a system, so I'm going to put the amount of change you have and the maximum amount you would be able to make change for after the transaction, based on those amounts. (You'll wind up with .75 after the transaction if you started with .50 but not .76)

0 50
5 52
10 55
15 57
20 60
25 62
30 65
35 67
40 70
45 72
50 75
55 77
60 80
65 82
70 85
75 87
80 90
85 92
90 95
95 97

As you can see, if you have an amount of change and you divide the amount between it and a hundred by two, then add that to your amount and ignore the decimal points, you get your answer, so fifty per cent of the time you wind up with each scenario.


If people could see how much fuel they guzzled while driving, Wayne believes they'd quickly learn to drive more efficiently. "If the epa would mandate fcds in every car, this country would save 20 percent on fuel overnight," he says. "They're not expensive for the manufacturers to put in—10 to 20 bucks—and it would save more fuel than all the laws passed in the last 25 years. All from a simple display."

riding shotgun with the king of the hypermilers


velvet underground acetate mp3s

Saddam Died Beautiful: A Special Eulogy


I started a podcast.


Undark and the radium girls

Make the move (to linux)

Watch tickle me Elmo burn

So when will I quit eating it?
Five “hotspots” of mercury contamination posing a risk to human health have been found in the eastern states of the US and eastern provinces of Canada. Average mercury concentrations in many of the region’s freshwater fish exceeded the US Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) recommended level for safe consumption by up to 20 times.


America’s Holy Warriors: blackwater usa

NostraRobertson: God told me of 'mass killing' in 2007



The Wall Street Journal is free today and has been redesigned.


larry potter goes to magic school

HI IM LARRY POTTER and this is me holding mystupid wand. I will wave it around and say stupid stuff and MAGIC will fly out of it OH BOY is that a BIG LIE.

WHat really happinds is for the magic to be maed up and the only thing that's real that also has magic is the lord and saviour of ALL MANKIND and that means YOU MISTER WISE GUY, JESUS CHRIST.

So listen to ME DUMB ASS, dont go to hell for worshiping the DAMN DEVIL and his MAGIC like Larry Potter and the (un)harmless littel storys that make people and children go to FUCKEN HELL!!!