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"What has 'theology' ever said that is of the smallest use to anybody? When has 'theology' ever said anything that is demonstrably true and is not obvious? What makes you think that 'theology' is a subject at all?"
-- Richard Dawkins

caption this

This photograph surfaced on yahoo in January.

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- PG Wodehouse

death and sex

In that order.

You know when the rolling stones hired the Hell's Angels as security guards at Altamont speedway? That's kind of the same thing as what happened in west Beirut in 1982, but substitute Ariel Sharon for the stones, Christian terrorists for hell's angels, and add a shitload of cold-blooded killing in the name of Jesus.

Israeli soldiers sealed off Sabra and Shatila (a couple of poor neighborhoods), except for the grass-roots holy warrior Phalangist militia troops (leaders of the Lebanese Maronite Christians, full-blown Christian terrorists), who came and went as they pleased, so they could chug a pepsi and reload. Death estimates vary depending on who you ask, but are most likely about 800. Even though afterwards a commission found that Sharon was VERY guilty and he was dismissed as Defense Minister, he somehow later became Israeli prime minister. This massacre represents what might be the most effective Christian conversion strategy yet devised. I'll pray to anybody you want if you have an AK-47 pointed at my face.

All in all, the most entertaining religious history lesson I've had since reading about the munster rebellion, which may be my all time favorite.


And for the sex, this blog, which is sadly no longer updated, is chock full of just dirty dirty sex. If you want to see it, click here.

On this day in 1954 in Sylacauga, Alabama, United States, an 8.5 pound sulfide meteorite crashed through a roof and hit Mrs. Elizabeth Hodges in her living room after bouncing off her radio, giving her a bad bruise, in the only unequivocally known case of a human being hit by a space rock.

It's Jonathan Swift's birthday. Celebrate by reading a modest proposal, the satire that defined the genre.

It's also Mark Twain's birthday.


I make a fuss over this station because they play good music. It may easily be one of the best stations in the country.
MPR: Radio Listening: The Current

But the morning show is bad. As far as I'm concerned the station isn't even on until nine in the morning. Then this morning after nine it sounded like the deejay (Thorn) must have broken up with his girlfriend. It wouldn't have been so bad if the morning show wasn't already the quotidian unlistenable lesbocoustic weep-carnival. When I listen to it I get the urge to make tea-tree oil candles and watch fried green tomatoes.

Please fix it, the current.

Nobody likes when people lose their jobs, so I'm not suggesting you get rid of Dale Connelly and Jim Ed Poole, but could you give them a good talking to? Their taste in music might hit the target demographic of xanax bar popping, mu-mu wearing co-opers in Linden Hills, but the rest of us have shit to do and don't want to fall asleep at the wheel. I appreciate that you want to be the alternative to the barf festival available at every other morning drive time show, but please, at least mention that there was a complaint about the tranquilizer music they play.

Maybe deejaying isn't for them. Have they considered how much money there is to be made treating insomnia?



Where is this from?


Longer needles needed for fatter buttocks - Yahoo! News

Statistics: today I pass thirty thousand hits and this is post number 6,403 at this blog.

To commemorate my laziness I'll post an email I got this morning from a friend about the war in Iraq.

I get really sick of hearing how dissent over the war is causing low morale in Iraq. Of course there is low morale!!!! it's a fuckin war! Are we to expect you to be jumping for joy to be in Iraq?

People being killed causes low morale, not free speech!!!!!

I don't want to go to work today -I have low morale, too!!!!!
That is your fuckin job.You fucking VOLUNTEERED for this shit! I already support your poor ass with 60 percent of my federal taxes!!!!!
Stop letting the politicians tell us you are unhappy. So am I.
People are pissed ! There SHOULD be low morale!!!! There is low morale at home, too!
This ain't Viet Nam with drafted soldiers being spit on at the airport!!!
This ain't WWII where morale can determine the outcome of a battle!!!
Fuckin morale. Fuck you!

A good email except for all the equivocating. Where's a smiley when you need one?

Thanks and have a good day.



There's a lot of bad music, some so bad that it's funny. Sometimes that funniness makes it so you can listen to it. This includes Buck Truck the rapping trucker, Mrs. Miller, and Jan Terri.

Other music is awful in a different way, like Christian music and much of modern country music. That stuff is just sick. Aside from that crap, I think the worst song in the world is "jazz police" by Leonard COhen.

Any thoughts? What's the song that makes you kill?

The most expensive thing ever to be estimated on the antiques roadshow was a watch from in Saint Paul. Somebody had it and didn't really know what it was, so they had it estimated at two hundred fifty thousand dollars. It's a Patek Phillipe from about 1924, a one-of-a-kind double chronograph with three repeaters, much thinner than any other double chronograph they ever made, of which there were less than ten. A guy from NAWCC came in and gave a little presentation about it and I copied down the URL from the screen.

Here it is.

That's as pretty as it gets. 46 jewels, utter gorgeousness. It sold at auction for 1.3 million swiss francs.

Imitation may be the most sincere form of flattery, but I'll settle for a blowjob.

Guy #1: Yo, them pants is hot, where'd you get 'em?
Guy #2: Muthafuckin' eBay, nigga!

--7th & Bleecker

Guy #1: You talk about cock more than girls I know who suck it every weekend.
Guy #2: Um, are you insinuating that I'm gay?
Guy #1: I don't need to insinuwait anything.
Guy #3: You're both gay.
Guy #1: Suck my cock, bitch.

--79th & Amsterdam

Queer #1: Ick. He's like, your cousin or something.
Queer #2: First cousin. Second cousin. Once removed.
Queer #1: But not a cousin cousin.
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #1: That's still grody.
Queer #2: I love that skirt on her.

--33rd & 8th

Guy: Hey, Paul! What's up?
Paul: Oh, I'm just going to hang myself. I mean, get some coffee.

--57th & Lex

Overheard in New York: The Voice of The City


I got this link today in an email, it's very dense and goes everywhere, and it's all about people who, like me, are pissed off that the explanation that we all came from magic is supposed to be something other than a joke that isn't even funny.

The evangelical atheist, carnival of the godless #28

I see a theme here, which is that once you get in the habit of destroying the hell out of every dumb belief that people can come up with, it's so much fun, and so easy, that it creates a habit, and a culture, of rag dolling people. I tried it myself for a while, and it got old when the guy I was "debating" with claimed that no one has ever hurt anyone in the name of Jesus, and that god drowning the whole world (except for the get-along gang in the ark) in a big flood was a good thing. I literally was going to freak out if I didn't just walk away from this impossibly bone-headed babble, so I hit the dusty cybertrail a wiser and wearier person.

Let's see, the assignment was something positive about atheism, or in their words the culture of godlessness. I'd go with total accountablity for the way we act and feel. Nothing is required for it but reality; nobody has to pay anybody else for motivational and shaming speeches that threaten susceptible people with eternal torture and burning and whatnot. It's a no strings attached way to live, and I think that's pretty good right there, if not "virtuous", a word with problematic implications. If I do something nice it's not to suck up to my imaginary friend, it's to help a person. I can't say the same about the motivation of Christians, and entertainingly neither can they, because their entire system of belief is predicated on someone else being in charge of the fate of their immortal soul. Is my charge that it is impossible for a christian to perform a selfless act of kindness ill-considered? How can helping out someone not be a selfish act, if it increases the chances you're going to get a high five from the big guy later, when that's what's at the center of your existence?

"Godlessness" is a non-term anyway, a perceived way to be based in and biased by contemporary perceptions, since it's just really existence we're talking about, not existence in addition to some crazy made-up shit. Godfulness is what I'd like to hear people defending and expounding upon the virtues of. There would be a field day.

Since I got a night job, quite different from the one I do now, at this hospital several years go, I've always thought of the elevator as emblematic of uncertainty.

Early on, during long nights wandering through the darkened corridors of this empty complex of buildings, I'd see the elevators do strange things. Once I hit the button and four out of the six in that bank opened at the same time. Of course there was no one around to see that, and the weird paranoia that selects late-night amateurs sent shivers up my back. Other times the elevator would go up even though it said it was going down, or vice versa, or would start moving with the door open. Not too much, but six or eight inches. Enough to scare you pretty good. To use the words I told the nurses back then when I was working on their machines: everything a machine does, it can do at the wrong time.

At one point, with too much caffeine in my veins, I even began to make up a song about elevators. The gist of it was that when that door opens, you don't know who's going to be there, and when you're about to step off, you aren't going to know where you are. When that door opens wide, what's on the other side, whose elevator are you, it went, and so on.

I was just on elevator number eleven going from floor eight (where the lunch is) to three, (where the tea is -- orange pekoe, tell me your sweet lies), and I remembered that it was in that very elevator that I met my wife for the first time. The memory of that event, which I haven't forcefully remembered enough to wear the substance of the memory out yet --you know how that goes-- made me smile.

To close on a somewhat unsatisfactory note: that we met in a metal box, the most uninteresting thing you can ride and still call it a ride, with no features to distinguish it from any other elevator, I don't see as having any particular metaphorical value.

thank you metafilter!

Sin destroyers: the world's christianest rock band!

The world's most powerful military has devoted its considerable resources to making an energy bar...

vampire lesbian kickboxers


The Atlas of Ancient and Classical Geography

My little brother is going to prison. Granted he's my little brother from boarding school, but still. You wonder where you went wrong. His name's Seth and we used to play chess and whatnot in Idaho. The good news, he's going for a maximum of five years and he's got a job waiting for him when he gets out doing what he does now, working many hours a week doing title sequences for movies and video games. He did the intro for darkwatch, the main title for Zathura, and some other ones. He's really sorry and won't do it again. Half-assing it was never his style; as the old Hardee's commercial goes, if you're going to go, go all out. I've got to send that guy a christmas card while he's in the joint next year.

Speaking of computer stuff, 1337 came over and tweaked and pinched Ubuntu into some semblance of an operating system last night, which I appreciate. I was a test subject for this, not that I don't like being out from under the protective wing of big brother Bill. Now he knows it can be done and I would expect a package from him sooner or later for non-programmers such as myself, who just want to run it with Firefox in the center and have it semi-easy to use. He could start a business going around and setting people up -- if the after sales service didn't completely kick his ass and make him want to die.

Today would have been Bruce Lee's 65th birthday. He still could have beat the hell out of us.

Here's the governor of California, embarrassing, well, all of us, in glorious quicktime. Only in America.


not good

Current levels of the greenhouse gases carbon dioxide and methane in the atmosphere are higher now than at any time in the past 650,000 years.


Maybe we should pray about it.

We all know that Wal-Mart, by effectively being the world's largest middleman, is also the world's largest manufacturer. The invisible hand of Adam Smith has many millions of Chinese in a choke-hold, and that's fairly well understood.

I haven't seen Robert Greenwald's (blah blah) new Wal-Mart documentary and have no plans to, but I would be surprised if it touched on an incredibly important part of the Wal-Mart equation, the one that more than any other makes it popular with its shoppers, and a feature that unites them with the unsavory element in people I loathe more than almost any other, which is that people like to feel powerful, and when they get a taste, become very attached to feeling that way on a regular basis. Wal-Mart regularly provides people with this feeling of having (buying) power, and no one else can give them that on any comparable scale.

I heard once that whenever you get something for nothing, someone somewhere is getting nothing for something. And that's the feeling, which I justify being attached to because it is an empathic one, I get when I think about "always low prices", and always people living in squalor to provide Wal-Mart shoppers with disposable products.

To me Wal-Mart is the epitome of a cheap holiday in someone else's misery, which is why I won't be tainting the gifts I buy people for Chistmas (or anything else, ever) from them. There is a great injustice being perpetrated by Wal-Mart, and the only way to make it stop is at the check-out counters, which is never going to happen, no matter how many documentaries Robert Greenwald makes.

Just when I thought I understood why people are trying to burn France to the ground, this headline comes along and slaps me in the face.

If you're going to buy a copy of Richard Scarry's "best word book ever", get the original on ebay. The new one (1991) sucks; as it's been reengineered to be more culturally sensitive (if that's what you call it) it's also been wiped clean of virtually all cultural information. You'll see what I mean. The book has palpably less actual value in its newer form. It's at somebody's flickr account. What was once "beautiful screaming lady" is now "cat in danger".

The wife and I erected
the christmas tree and drank egg nogs last night, and watched the you'll shoot your eye out movie. Then we put in the million-year-old claymation Burl Ives one. What a sleeper. We have decided that we prefer non-alcoholic egg nog to the brandy/rum-laden varieties. It's strange that egg nog has high fructose corn syrup in it. I must get a recipe and make this myself henceforth. HFCS is uncceptable.

I saw this guy I know, Mishi, at the gym where I go. He said he's been going there since May, and dude is fucking ripped. He used to work where I used to work, at Sebastian Joe's ice cream cafe. He said he works at starbucks now.

Tonight I will try to have a certain Jew come over here for round three of the increasingly poorly named "night" that he's going to fix my computer. It's working now, but Ubuntu is a little confusing and I am under a deadline with the approaching holiday. If you're reading this, let's get these devices located and these settings imported and I'll make you a drink. I would call you but our schedules are different; mine sucks, and yours is great.


How to make a sweet paper airplane


I've got this friend named John who is in denial. He doesn't read this website but that's where his resemblance to most people ends. You see, tragically, John has small teeth and large gums. They're like tic tacs sticking out of a huge mound of play-doh, for crying out loud. Well, not really.

I am just posting this for posterity (npi), in case months pass and he's still talking about this damn loser chick, who isn't even a decent enough person to break up properly:

Dude, it's over between you two. It has been since she came to town to visit hre family and didn't call you and you know this to be true. Anything you ever could have owed her is now nulled by her being a total tool. Every guy I have ever asked has, at one time or another, had a bad experience with a girl named Sarah. Now you are one of us. Have sex with that girl you work with instead. She's more than willing.

Your pal,


Happy thanksgiving. I'll be in Eau Claire, with my in-laws who tell me that I'm a drain on the family becasue I'm not producing children. They're half-joking. I guess they're serious about getting those numbers up.

Enjoy your time together in Tennessee, all.

Ubuntu was installed on my machine last night and hard drive partitioned. So for now I just want to get my passwords back and whatnot, and figure out how to find and play my music. There's another drive around here and I want this thing to find it. Plan A is to wing it, plan B is to read the plentiful documentation.

Related project, the playstation needs a hard drive. Does anyone have experience with installing/formatting/managing one?


One of my favorite things I've ever heard anyone say was uttered by my brother, who casually and accidentally spills gems often. The exact words I don't recall, and aren't all that important to the point. It was about that, sooner or later, life kicks everybody's ass, just crushes them into nothing. Strong people recover, sometimes not all the way, but they always remember.

This happened to a patient at the hospital where I work. I don't how any names and don't want to.

Because of some medication the guy was taking, he developed priapsm. That's an endless erection. Well, all erections end six inches or so from the body, but, well you know what I mean, a temporally sustained erection. It wouldn't go down, no matter what. Eventually the man was in terrible pain, and so the doctors and he agreed that the only way to fix it was the permanent solution, which was to, and don't ask me the anatomical details, make it impossible for the erection to exist. From now on the swollen penis problem will not be bothering this man, ever. After the procedure, and I would imagine a little bit before it, the man was suicidally depressed. Life had crushed him.

Ironically, the drug responsible for this was trazodone, an antidepressant. Moral of the story to me is, don't take antidepressants if you can help it.

Gorgeous flash movie:
littleFoot - part 1 of 2 - - by Adam Phillips

I plead guilty, too. Of going to the wrong school.

Debra Lafave Pleads Guilty in Sex Case


I didn't hear this but reading it was nice. Penn Jillette tells people what he believes.
NPR : There Is No God

Is everybody familar with the stanford prison experiment? It was a glimpse into the minds of people under the influence of power. Totally fascinating, if a little ugly. Here's a link to a page all about it.

This was my favorite leia:

The silver lining of my thirty minute, ten mile drive from Saint Paul to here in ridiculous traffic had to be the bumper sticker I saw, on a toyota corolla:


I have spent this entire morning searching for a certain picture of a yawning dog, which I have been unable to find. Bummer. If anybody knows the one I'm talking about and has it, it would be appreciated.


Please bear with me while I do some things with this page.

Rhyming Words from Green Day's "American Idiot"
B. Renner





E.L. Doctorow on President Bush and Death

war nerd wishes the Russo-Japanese war a happy hundredth anniversary


movie review

Let me tell you about a movie called Saw 2.

The short version: Save eight fifty. Don't go.

Saw 2 is an hour and twenty minute long nine inch nails video. Prostheses, shaking cameras, and -yawn- a way mental serial killer who (get this!) is trying to teach everybody a lesson!

To the best of my knowledge, the trend with this sort of style-driven violence-gag movie began with the Gilliam picture "seven", where all is battered slum, but that used to be a nice house in some forgotten urban hellhole. Peeling plaster and so forth was all over the place and the plot was so necessarily complicated that it was riddled with flaws. If someone is trapped and they can't get away but you look right behind them and there's a way to escape that they just didn't think of, puh-leeze. This occurred several times. I don't mind the suspension of disbelief every once in a while but I can only bend over backerds so far before it's time to turn my attention to the lesbians sitting in front of me. Attractive, young lesbians, the rarest of the species, and I saw them in the wild. I can finally confirm their existence. But enough about that.

The only good thing about Saw 2 is that when it's over and someone tells you they saw it, you can then say "I saw "Saw 2" too!"

I talked to the nurse of a lady who "died" here yesterday. She coded (her heart stopped, for all you non-hospital people) and all kinds of doctors rushed in all gung-ho to get to work saving her life, but the nurse protested. After being briefed, the doctors left and the patient died, or better, continued to be dead.

On the surface, I'm aware this story looks a certain way. The simple-minded would say it is invariably our responsibility to our fellow human Schiavo to keep them alive, even though in certain cases it is the opposite. Which is why the staunch pro-lifers piss everybody off so much of the time; they're wrong, don't know what they're talking about, and don't want to know what they're talking about. The nurse, in advocating for the patient, did the right thing by allowing the patient to die. I'll tell you why, and you'll understand why I put the word "died" in quotation marks.

But first, there's another complication. The patient's treatment was being paid for by the state, so for her to go ahead and die would save taxpayers money. Even if she didn't have health insurance she has to be cared for somehow, because it's the law that you can't leave people to die. Some financial realists see the long-term problems with this and would say that it shouldn't be the law, because as health care costs rise and people get poorer on average, this is an unsustainable trend. So what do you do with people who need to go to the hospital, and who, if it weren't the law that they have to be cared for, wouldn't get any treatment? I say go ahead and make it official and socialize medicine already if the practical upshot of the system, as it stands now, is to care for the poor anyway, which ultimately ends up costing more on the state's tab than it would otherwise, and just cut the bullshit.

I get a kick out of thinking about the dichotomy stupidity would create if this woman's case were a Fox news channel rock-n-roll USA main event. Some of the very same people that would, fuming, ask "how dare you evil bastards unplug that living, breathing creature of god's awesome, holy creation?" would also leave the no-insurance-having, financially irresponsible indigent where indigents belong, out in the cold.

The lady effectively died months ago. She's been brain dead all this time and, according to the nurse, had started to rot. When you're a nurse providing health care costing as much as a new car every day to someone who's already dead and is rotting, you have a bird's eye view of the situation, and the right thing to do is let her die.

It's not as much fun as keeping it simple, but everybody's better off.


The leader of the largest branch of American Judaism blasted conservative religious activists in a speech Saturday, calling them "zealots" who claim a "monopoly on God" while promoting anti-gay policies akin to Adolf Hitler's.

Where did this story come from? Was it some left-wing media outlet? No. Just like almost everything else I've posted here for the last two days, it came from Yahoo's most emailed page. This is, at the time of this posting, the most popular story.

The presidency of George W. Bush is collapsing under the weight of its own incompetence. The polls speak for themselves--only 35 percent of us approve of his job performance. Fifty-six percent--including one in four Republicans--say the war in Iraq was not worth fighting, and more than half believe Bush intentionally misled the country to bring the United States into war. The response from the White House has been grimly predictable: Admit no mistakes and spin, slash or burn your critics. On Monday Bush seethed, "Only one person manipulated evidence and misled the world--and that person was Saddam Hussein." (Funny, I didn't know we were being "led" by Saddam Hussein.) Bush went on to accuse opponents of rewriting the past. But this Administration, which has redefined the word "Orwellian" for a new generation, respects history about as much as it respects the Geneva Conventions. In fact, they seem to relish assaulting and rewriting history for sheer sport.

more of the truth, which finds itself increasingly partisan, about the time George W. Bush met Mohammed Ali.

If a postmodernist accidentally experiences his own life, is it hyperreal?

I was just drawing up a dose of vancomycin and thinking about life, when it hit me that the question of whether people have free will or not, I've never heard explained through the objective that we weren't consulted when we came into being as humans in the first place, so what difference does it make, or how could any answer (which can't be determined anyway) to questions about our free will even matter?

Our identities as humans are extremely superficial, and even if we commit suicide or kill people, we've made no dent in the universe. We, as life forms in a chain, mulch and come back as ever more complex life forms on a geologic time scale. So we never really have even the option of a serious existential problem. We are part of something much bigger that doesn't need us to be anything, and any problem we associate with us being who and what we are is a product of our imagination, and at that, an imagination built on a worldview that is basically conflicted as to the nature and importance of existence.

Tonight I'm going to watch "walk the line" with my wife and some friends. Anybody wants to come let me know.


I'm glad that as democrats, republicans, libertarians, and other forms of independents, we can all agree that America needs to move forward.

2 videos

Watch a pelvic exam. The best place to look for ovaries was below the iliac crest. High five. But first take that glove off.


This is the legendary Leeroy Jenkins. You should be able to figure it out, and why it's a bad thing that it's caught on.

I had a dream Peter Cetera came up to me and was giving me guilt for not liking him the way I did when I was a little kid. Well, screw Peter Cetera.

If a retarded person has a degenerative brain disorder, it is probably comparatively hard to detect.

Although they lied about it, Document Says Oil Chiefs Met With Cheney Task Force

I can't stand when the truth gangs up on lying rich people like that.


I didn't know Alison Krauss was Brazilian.

Yahoo: Alison Krauss, second left, performs with Union Station at the 39th Annual Country Music Association Awards Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2005, in New York.

125 Illegal Workers Found at Wal-Mart Site

Atheist Now Sues to Take Motto Off Money


God's debris by Scott Adams


Here's a video of a guy yelling at his tv. He gets pretty pissed.

Colin Farrell?

My thoughts exactly.


Things, which according to a google search, there is more to life than:

increasing its speed
profit and loss
lord of the rings
monday to friday, 9 to 5
facing the computer screen, even how if how real the virtualization makes it to be
struggling to differentiate oneself in the workplace or in academia by any means available
beer alone, but beer makes those things even better
the office
can be found on planet earth
laying up stores and seeking sheltered harbors
meets the eye, much more
the cost of transportation
television and your pathetic childhood, all right? Sheesh! And hey, all these women stand-up comics -- what's up with that, huh?
being dependent on another person
the internet
buying things
things starting with A, therefore the encyclopedia must be wrong
being trapped in the assembly line
this – whatever this is
pitchers of Coke, fish sticks grabbed with tongs, troughs of iceberg-and-shredded-carrot salad beyond the see-through plastic sneeze guard, the name of which you did your best not to think about


pumpkin something

There is, in no circle, absolutely any argument about it; it's impossible.
The god's warrior lady is seriously mentally disturbed, and in a way I find gruesome and menacing.

Her brand of crazy is marked by the particular way she stresses the end parts of her exclamations, as if she is discovering as she reveals her experience the truth, no, the REAL tr- no, that's not enough either, the hysterical, guttural, stormy authenticity from way down in her SOUL! It's a frightening reminder that her religion is that which it teaches, an unmanageable, crazy-making dualism bearing no resemblance to the reality that life is not a two-splendored thing. She's the product of pure dogma. Sexy!

Pity can not describe my feelings for her family. If she were an unwavering alcoholic it would be pity. I think fear more closely captures the essence and extent of my empathy. This is the lady that instead of forcing her children to eat dog food and never emerge from the crucifix-infested basement, took her evil impulses out on her own mind.

My reaction:

call in

For the party!


If you're sick of worrying about how you're going to manage all that self-esteem, try placing all the countries of Europe where they go.

European country game, level three

sweet love

"Hold the beauty of life in the palm of your hand!"

Life, in this case, is dolls, which are not alive, modeled on miscarried fetuses, which are also not alive. In fact, a dead thing modeled on a dead thing seems to me like about the farthest thing imaginable from the beauty of life.

But hey, who am I to judge?

God's little ones dot com.

Oh, there are more of these.
Wee bundles is a preemie doll website.

Ok, this one isn't dolls, it's just a website. Alfie born sleeping. I think little Alfie would have loved this awesome website all about his dead body. Anybody really can make it in America!


Dear Dale

Do you like clams?

Mickey McFartzenshitz
Northern United Clam, Inc.


That's really none of your business. Wait, yes it is. You got me again, damn you, Mickey!

Every once in a while, something comes along that can't be made fun of any more than it already makes fun of itself. Here that thing is.

50 Cent will again turn his reality into fiction with a new line of hip-hop novellas and graphic novels featuring his former G-Unit rap crew buddies, a publisher announced.

Pocket/MTV Books promised the venture would showcase "gritty" stories and cover much of the same terrain as 50 Cent's raps.


When Jesus and martial arts combine, everybody wins! Everybody except Satan and Evil, that is! High five for the awesome and spiritually pure

And I must have missed a day of superpatriotic school or something, 'cuz I can't figure out how it's ok for goody two-shoes christian karate weirdos to do shit like like this:

to the American flag.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
- Philip K. Dick



I am initiating a doomed internet version of "six degrees of Kevin Bacon", so this site, the one you're reading right now, is hereby within one click of Kevin Bacon.

Here he is.

For those of us whose formative years were influenced heavily by Princess Leia's not-to-be-outdone-since slave girl outfit, this is a good website. A gaggle of gals doing their best Leia, which is sometimes not too bad.

More star wars dork-out: here's a guy's site who watched all six star wars movies at the same time, and what happened.

I got as far as dinosaurs with saddles.

bomb texas, they have oil too


Put simply,

Habeas corpus prevents authorities from detaining a person indefinitely without charges; the guarantee of habeas corpus ensures that no one can imprison you without a trial.

Nothing more effectively undercuts the image that Bush paints of America as the land of freedom, liberty and democracy than the Republican Party's destruction of habeas corpus.


And a big thanks to you, too, democrats who drank the kool-aid, a vote for you is a vote for totalitarianism.
Kent Conrad, Joseph I. Lieberman, Mary L. Landrieu, and Ben Nelson, freedom is a word in the dictionary which you should all look up. Preferably a dictionary printed prior to the Bush Administration, when "freedom" began having increasingly creative and abstract, and predominantly misleading usages. I gave up on you a long time ago. Your choice of legislation in the ethical void you call a career doesn't surprise me; a corporate purse obviously doesn't allow in much light to read by.


Intelligent Design?
-natural history magazine

link-riddled Wake up and smell the fascism presents
George W. Bush and the 14 points of fascism

Rap lyrics translated


soliciting suggestions

For a smart-ass thing to say when somebody says "guess what?"

I slept like a rock, which is good because the hospital is full, which means it's going to be one of those days. Then right after work I am driving an hour and a half (to two hours) to Eau Claire to have dinner with the in-laws and see them and their new dog. Therefore, there will be no dumb crap today at this site.


to belabor the obvious

If it's someone ruling for what the republicans want, such as woman's body control, it's just a judge making a judgement. But otherwise, it makes the news as "judicial activism"? Even allowing Karl Rove to frame the debate in this way is criminal. There is a complacent conspiracy against critical thought going on here. This so-called "judicial activism" bullshit needs to be dragged out into the daylight and exposed as the creepy frame-up it is, but don't expect it to happen.

Rove, in rare appearance, blasts judicial activism

And btw, fuck Karl Rove.


Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck.


I am told that this is a spectacular resource for torrents:

Thirty years ago today, an iron ore boat sank while en route from Duluth to Cleveland. It was under a full load of taconite and the hatches were open, so in the heavy weather the load got wet. Although she was riding low, Captain Ernest McSorley radioed they were holding their own at about seven p.m. Twenty minutes later they didn't show up on the radar any more. There were no survivors. It was the biggest ship on the great lakes, named after a CEO from some life insurance company, Edmund Fitzgerald.

Here's the list of the twenty-nine guys who died in the shipwreck, all of which will be celebrated by me at the bar later. Call if you want to come.

* Michael E. Armagost, 37, Third Mate, Iron River, Wisconsin
* Fred J. Beetcher, 56, Porter, Superior, Wisconsin
* Thomas D. Bentsen, 23, Oiler, St. Joseph, Michigan
* Edward F. Bindon, 47, First Asst. Engineer, Fairport Harbor, Ohio
* Thomas D. Borgeson, 41, Maintenance Man, Duluth, Minnesota
* Oliver J. Champeau, 41, Third Asst. Engineer, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
* Nolan S. Church, 55, Porter, Silver Bay, Minnesota
* Ransom E. Cundy, 53, Watchman, Superior, Wisconsin
* Thomas E. Edwards, 50, Second Asst. Engineer, Oregon, Ohio
* Russell G. Haskell, 40, Second Asst. Engineer, Millbury, Ohio
* George J. Holl, 60, Chief Engineer, Cabot, Pennsylvania
* Bruce L. Hudson, 22, Deck Hand, North Olmsted, Ohio
* Allen G. Kalmon, 43, Second Cook, Washburn, Wisconsin
* Gordon F. MacLellan, 30, Wiper, Clearwater, Florida
* Joseph W. Mazes, 59, Special Maintenance Man, Ashland, Wisconsin
* John H. McCarthy, 62, First Mate, Bay Village, Ohio
* Ernest M. McSorley, 63, Captain, Toledo, Ohio
* Eugene W. O'Brien, 50, Wheelsman, Toledo, Ohio
* Karl A. Peckol, 20, Watchman, Ashtabula, Ohio
* John J. Poviach, 59, Wheelsman, Bradenton, Florida
* James A. Pratt, 44, Second Mate, Lakewood, Ohio
* Robert C. Rafferty, 62, Steward, Toledo, Ohio
* Paul M. Riippa, 22, Deck Hand, Ashtabula, Ohio
* John D. Simmons, 63, Wheelsman, Ashland, Wisconsin
* William J. Spengler, 59, Watchman, Toledo, Ohio
* Mark A. Thomas, 21, Deck Hand, Richmond Heights, Ohio
* Ralph G. Walton, 58, Oiler, Fremont, Ohio
* David E. Weiss, 22, Cadet, Agoura, California
* Blaine H. Wilhelm, 52, Oiler, Moquah, Wisconsin


Celestia, a space travel simulation

vermont voters: intelligent design? how about get the fuck out.

Blonde in a silly hat.
not safe for work.

This may be a repost.
Not safe for work.

so seventeen it hurts

The internet is good for many things, one of which is going to random chicks' websites and telling them to shut up and post pictures of their tits. So in order not to waste the internet, that's what I did. I really don't know about the tits, but if ever there was a girl who needed to shut up, this is her.

Denial, it is said, is not just a river in Egypt. This is meant to be funny, because Denial is a homonym for "The Nile", which IS a river in Egypt. And the reason the statement exists in that form, as a joke, is because a little giggle sometimes makes it a little easier to say "Yeah, I guess I am in denial. The whole concept of god is really just an unneccesary philosophical complication that proves nothing which is not already assumed to be true, and in fact is just a concept whose primary function is to shelter this collection of prejudices I hold dear out of habit." It's part of human nature that people don't like being wrong about stuff. Like the president being a liar. See, some people have an awful lot of their precious feelings invested in his being an upstanding, honorable guy.

But even those of us who aren't in denial of the president being a liar could occasionally use a reminder that we live in a country, that, like 1940 Germany, thrives on its denial.

So here's George W. Bush, the howling void of intelligence, whose lips moving, as usual, indicates a flagitious abuse of language and truth, announcing that the United States doesn't torture people:

And here's a picture of all the people who believe that is actually true:

War nerd breaks down the insurgency
"...-damn, how many times do I have to repeat it?- guerrilla war has no technical solution. Or even military solution. The only effective CI techniques are torture, reprisal and, ultimately, genocide."

The 100 Greatest Internet Moments

Including a bunch of stuff I have celebrated here, and some great stuff I haven't, like comics
the perry bible fellowship
jerk city


Liberal Church May Lose Funds Over Sermon:

The Internal Revenue Service has warned a prominent liberal church that it could lose its tax-exempt status because of an anti-war sermon a guest preacher gave on the eve of the 2004 presidential election, according to church officials.

The Rev. George F. Regas did not urge parishioners at All Saints Episcopal Church to support either President Bush or John Kerry, but he was critical of the Iraq war and Bush's tax cuts.

The IRS warned the church in June that its tax-exempt status was in jeopardy because such organizations are prohibited from intervening in political campaigns and elections.

Uh, yeah. Anybody remember "patriot pastors"?

Can't get enough Jesus by engaging in primitive cannibalistic blood-drinking and flesh-eating fantasies at church? Me fucking either! I want Jesus stuck in my throat like a chicken bone! I want to get so drunk on Jesus that he's oozin' out of my every Jesus-lovin' pore! I want Jesus's name and picture on every surface of my body, and everything I look at! And most of all, I want everybody to feel just like I do, super excited that Jesus is so great great great that I can't hardly stand it!!!

It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing that now we can see a different Jesus every week at Jesus of the week dot com!

In Norway, high school graduation celebrations are just, I don't know, better.


The Improbability of God

I said that the world is absurd, but I was too hasty. This world in itself is not reasonable, that is all that can be said. But what is absurd is the confrontation of this irrational and the wild longing for clarity whose call echoes in the human heart. The absurd depends as much on man as on the world.
-Camus, The Myth Of Sisyphus


President George W. Bush and the current Administration have now borrowed more money from foreign governments and banks than the previous 42 U.S. presidents combined.

That's according to the U. S. Treasury department. I'm sure there's another side to this story that I'm missing by not listening to right wing talk radio. I wish I wasn't so dumb as to think there's an actual truth to something somewhere that can't be explained away by Rush Limbaugh. Man do I suck.

the rest of the story

Charles always had a way with evil, cross-eyed robots.



drink specials by the hour...


Mountaintop removal has a buddy in the white house.

It may seem that the American Museum of Natural History is cruising for controversy in presenting "Darwin," the most comprehensive exhibition any museum has offered on the naturalist's life and theories.

Or maybe there's such a thing as natural history and they want to do an exhibit about Charles Darwin. Just a thought.


fucking asshole

An image from CNN shows US President George W. Bush addressing the nation from the Cincinnati Museum Center in Cincinnati, Ohio, 07 October 2002. Although US military intelligence warned the Bush administration that its key source on Al-Qaeda's relationship with Iraq had provided 'intentionally misleading' data, Bush insisted during his trip to Cincinnati that his administration had learned that 'Iraq has trained Al-Qaeda members in bomb-making and poisons and deadly gases'(AFP/CNN)

Become Republican!
/a flash movie


things to do when you're bored.


The Army now admits that it secretly dumped 64 million pounds of nerve and mustard agents into the sea, along with 400,000 chemical-filled bombs, land mines and rockets and more than 500 tons of radioactive waste - either tossed overboard or packed into the holds of scuttled vessels.


the land of the free

You're free to drink alcohol, if you're at least twenty-one years old. But not in your car, and not too much, and not in public. Because most states are apparently in competition to see who can look the most like Disneyland.

You're free to own land, as long as you pay your property taxes, or the state decides it wants your land, even if it's for a commercial development. Then you're not free to own it any more.

You're free to drive a car within the speed limit, as long as you renew your tabs every year, pay your parking tickets, use your blinkers, buckle your seat belt, have all your taillights working, and as long as you don't get your license taken away for some unrelated reason.

You're free to go to the park, until ten o'clock when the park closes. You're free to pay taxes on the park, though, so you're free to feel a sense of ownership from behind that fence over there.

You're free to go to war, even if there's no reason for it but a bunch of lies, if you're eighteen and male.

You're free to own any gun you want, but you're only allowed to shoot it in very special places and if you want to actually shoot anything good, with special permits. And unless you're Randy Weaver.

You're free to take any drug the government says you can, which I think still includes sudafed.

You're free to check out books from the library, and then you're free to have the government come get a list of the books you checked out. You're free to wonder whether they've done that or not, which is more important than actually being able to find out.

You're free to vote in an election. The results of the election are handled privately, and have shockingly lop-sided irregularities, and you're free to think whatever you want about it, if you ever find out in the first place. (link to story explaining in depth)

You're free to buy all the support the troops magnets your car can possibly carry.

You're free to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances, but the government can decide you have to do it in a designated protest area someplace far away.

You're free to expect due process if accused of a crime, unless that crime is one of terrorism, a term which is so broad as to be practically arbitrary. If that happens, you go away somewhere forever and you're totally fucked. That's where the glorious freedom starts to wear off a little.

You're free to write whatever you want on the internet, as long as you don't threaten people, or the stability of the monolithic government, even if that government is essentially unelected, at war on the people of the United States by taking away their rights, and acting at the discretion of the military-industrial complex.


more computer nonsense

It may seem like a foolish decision to cash in windows xp for something I've never heard of, ubuntu, a linux debian variation, but I like it so far. I'm doing a trial run and if it seems doable, it's ready to go. Granted, there will be several days spent ferreting out plugins and tweaking settings, and the list of firefox extensions I'm going to have to install is dizzying, but there's nothing objectionable about it as of now. It's very web-centric; bittorrent file management is built in, mail etc. is straightforward, and it comes with the usual linux multi-screen option that I think is more for programmers or efficient multi-taskers than people, who like me, enjoy having thirty windows open all the time, some of which I forget about for days at a time. When it's all said and done, I just want a computer that does what it's supposed to, which means doesn't do what it's not supposed to, tasks the likes of which windows tends to accumulate naturally, the way swamps accumulate rot. Starwind search bar? Internet optimizer? Quoth Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp: Nooooooooooooo!

Sunday morning and one more day of work separating me from school, which I want to get back to. The pharmacy is a fairly good place with (mainly) either competent or teachable staff, but watches are much more interesting and attractive than "He's got a headache so he needs tylenol" or any of a million other repetitive medical diagnoses and prescriptions that each day have to be grinded out by schleps like myself.

The hospital I work at is across from the freshman dorms at the U of M, which are packed with hotties. I am often awestruck by the number of people there are in the world in general, and in particular, it astonishes me how many smokin' twenty-year-old eye candies bounce around while I'm on the way to and from the parking lot. Yesterday there was a group of four of them who were just done going running, and a guy who was on his way out of the hospital was trying not to look at one of them and failing, failing, failing. He didn't want to be distracted by them but apparently had no choice.


the zero hour

Today is the last day of the first of my computer's life. It is getting fully (buh-bye, XP) redone this evening. I went through all my old files* this morning, backed up the good stuff (gifs of david brent dancing and whatnot) and am ready to erase it down to nothing.

Anybody read anything good lately? Anything that's like what they were writing in the sixties? Some wrongheaded, oversimplistic, peacenik stuff? Because I'm so closed-minded that I need to read some. Or something like that. Maybe I'll explain this at some point. Maybe not.

* It's amazing what you accumulate digitally. Maybe it's like the rest of stuff, like how some people packrat shit away so much that they live in a garbage house that people point at and laugh when they drive by it. Another thing, when my brother moved here for the summer, he brought pretty much some clothes and a computer. It's the new thing you have to have; it provides a big part of people's environment. Media, the management of contacts (relationships, really), bookmarks, I know that at my most dependent I would have been pretty devastated by the loss of my computer. I estimate sixty gigs of stuff and a broadband connection is what it takes to keep me happy as a clam.


I got a five point five on my test Thursday and on the other one that we took this morning, I expect an A. So we average a high B or a low A.

According to a friend, there is no anal porn at the doubletree inn. I was wondering, are all hotels like this? I have no experience with hotel porn, other than noticing a prevalent theme of horny housewives on the advertisements, which I found strange because of all the married traveling businiessmen whose lonely wives would be the kind of women these movies are about, and I would think that imagining them doing the pizza deliveryman might work counter to the, uh, goal. So sound off if you know anything about the wholesomeness standards in hotel pornography offerings.

At first I was like "why would somebody follow around hobos and take their pictures?"
But soon I realized, it's because the hobos have sex.


If memory serves, my computer was once a banquet where all wines poured freely and all hearts were open, but that was before I deleted all my Java shit because there was so fucking much of it all over the place and now my browser doesn't know how to open a god damn pop-up window. I downloaded Java Runtime Environment Version 5.0 Update 5, but I think that's supposed to sit on top of something that I erased. Groan. Help?

Spoonbender sent me some watches. One to fix, and one to keep, from his recent travels abroad. His is a "Breitling", mine is a "Rolex", and they're obviously the same exact movement in different cases. Day/date/24 hour, minute/second/hour. Since these watches are made in somebody's basement in Taipei, they're hard to get parts for, but I'll do what I can.

I have discovered something great. Put your coffee mug on top of your coffee maker and it heats it so you don't wind up screwing up your nice hot coffee pouring it into a cold mug. I imagine the guy (or girl) who thought of hard boiling an egg in his soup and saving dishes and trouble, would have blogged about it, had the internet existed at that time.

Yesterday was a milestone in a watch project I undertook for fun, which was a nearly hopeless eighteen-size Illinois watch company pocketwatch made in 1904, this close
to being useless garbage. After cleaning mounds of gunk out of it, polishing and bluing screws, replacing a roller jewel (locating one was a challenge unto itself) and an upper olive hole jewel on the balance (whose bushing was the wrong size so that I had to put it on the lathe and shape it), and eventual reassembly, I put some power on it and it ran. I thrilled. Now to find hands. The old ones were rusted nubs. If things have lives, this thing is thankful that a student found and fixed it, because no one would have worked on it otherwise; it was too far gone and not worth the time where money is concerned.

I have a Jules Jorgensen from the mid eighteen hundreds waiting to go after this. It's going to be scarier to work on. Far more delicate and totally irreplaceable. No parts exist for this watch, so if I scar something up, it stays that way. I wish I could tell that to the last guy who worked on it, but he's probably dead by now, roasting in watch hell, where hardened screwdrivers skip recklessly across gilded finger-bridges, and plates are bent to change end-shake. I guess you have to do what you can when the proper tools aren't around, but while it's impressive to see brutality that works, it's not the class of work I'm being trained to do.

Today is exam day. We've had our watches all goofed up by our instructor and now we have to get them working again. I remember now the relief I felt when in diving school, after all the hoses were undone and nothing else could go wrong before we started making it work again. There's something about a sigh of relief in that instance that defines the metaphor better than anything else.

I was talking to my benchmate the other day about how I never knew I liked watches, or small things, but I knew I hated everything else.

Here's something I made to illustrate the relationship between that which is felt, and that which is real, for all those people (isopraxic lame-brain dimwits) who don't know there is a difference:


In the last week I've been enjoying Benjamen Walker's theory of everything, which is a radio show. Each one is a half hour long and they're kind of like this american life, but with less focus on the droll, almost-adventures of the same six people, and more interestingness. I got lucky with the first three I listened to. The next three were less spectacular. All the broadcasts can be downloaded over on the left as mp3s.

In descending order, I recommend "American Exceptionalism", "CIA/ART", and "Saint phil".

I have been flipping channels a little lately. Thanks to this guy I know I get free cable so I've been watching vh1, which has been showing "I love the eighties". If you've never heard of it the gist is this: celebrities pretend to reminisce about specific fads like parachute pants or whatever. The celebrities' jobs are to say something entertaining for a little soundbite, and then they do that for a little while, and they move on. They pretty much make fun of everything that happened in the eighties. One of the regulars that appears is a guy who calls himself Mo Rocca. I'm going to give the following sentence its own paragraph.

Mo Rocca is not funny.

Please, vh1, get rid of him and get rid of the idiot black "comedienne", who says that Tiger Woods, who is half-black and half-chinese, she calls "Negroese!" Did you hear that, everybody?!? She said negroese!! Please, stand aside, for I am going to spew the contents of my mouth because of how fucking hilarious that is! This is surely the most wonderful of all jokes ever told! Its simplicity, its brevity, its sheer truth and beauty, I am in awe of it!

But seriously, upon deep consideration, I can't think of anyone who would actually laugh at that. Maybe they're out there and I'm just lucky for not knowing them.

The show is generally pretty good; the best commentators are Michael Ian Black and the guy with the dark hair who wears the leather jacket, whoever he is. I think he's from some show on HBO, which is why I don't know who he is.

In other news, the storm continues to gather around the steaming shitpile that is the Bush administration, which makes me smile.