Lying Bush action figure!

The Most Powerful Diesel Engine in the World
Total engine weight: 2300 tons (The crankshaft alone weighs 300 tons.)

george bush invigorating america's youth, realmedia video
This is Letterman, very funny segment.

For all the doctors reading this:
April 1 is the JCAHO deadline for unsafe abbreviations.
No more will the pharmacy accept QD, QOD, AS, AF, MS, MSO4, u, iu, or trailing zeros. Don't even think about using mu for micro either. I swear, doctors, I've put up with enough of your bad handwriting to last me a lifetime, and will not tolerate this unsafe error-producing abbreviation business. I've even got half a mind to make the case for the elimination of cc. It looks like a u half the time. The trick is to lift your pen and make them identifiable.
And it's about time we came up with an alternative to bactrim sensitization. Making different concentrations of that stuff (0.2 micrograms in a dose? What is that? You're SADISTS!) causes me to toss and turn at night.

Why is always the S@%#*ty movies you forget to take back to the video store on time?
I once racked up forty bucks in late fees for the pallbearer with David Schwimmer.
Now Pieces of April is sitting here accruing interest for Hollywood video. What a stinker.
I think it's because I don't want to think about how bad it was, so it just sits underneath something being forgotten.

My other genius brother, John, has an idea.

Christian spam.
Click here to accept Jesus as your personal savior!
Then they get sent to some page of win a free webcam.
Or christian singles or christian shopping or christian debt consolidation.
Or christian pop-up blocker software, or holy hair loss products.
Do you know christ and support the protection of children's bodily fluids from the godless democrat atheist molesters? Click here!
Is there such a thing as christian porn? That would be pretty kinky stuff by any standards.

Teen who posted own photo charged with child porn
Because it's harmful. To her. Right?

power outage in mobile home park
The outage interrupting quality television programming was caused by a man who jumped out of a biplane and hit power lines. The man's jumping was caused by his decision to die a death he chose. This decision was brought on by news of an inoperable brain tumor. So yeah, the power was out for a little while. Turn it to American Idol. That Simon guy is funny.

A Visit from... Mr. Winkle!
"the cutest dog in the universe"

One more day of work and it's two days off for Dale and the gang. The gang of thugs that lives in my head, I mean. The gang had fun shooting pistols this week with a friend whose site I was going to link to, but it's down at the moment. Yes, chiles, Dale can fire a pistol. Hoo-wee. Whatever it is I think I see does not become a tootsie roll to me, but a target. So a few days ago this chump from Dunbar armored is refilling an ATM at the hospital and I turn to him and ask if he's carrying a glock 23. He's about 8 feet away and has his hand on it. He's not moving. He says, "yeah".

First of all, I could close that distance between him and me in far less time than it would take him to holster that thing and smack him in his fat face. So just get your hand off there. He must be dumb.

Second, if of all people I look intimidating, I have either seriously underestimated myself, or, the war against terror has been won, by the terrorists. A few too many cop movies for pudgy, there, explains that one, I think.

Third, this is not a swat team, dude. You're a trumped up security guard risking his hide for Wells Fargo, and while we all appreciate someone who takes his job seriously, grabbing your piece is a show of weakness. Unsophisticated bastard.

Tennessee finally cleared me to drive a car. Now there is an insurance issue, which I'm having trouble understanding, but it'll get figured out.

Take a piece of tape and tape it around your face, then peel it off. Your face is pretty big, huh? I was surprised at mine. If I had a scanner I'd scan, upload to, and link to it. Not so attractive, but undeniably Dale.


Google Personalized Search
If it ain't broke don't try to fix it. What's the deal here? Limiting searches sounds like a bad idea, even if they're "your" tastes.

fruit fly fight club
"Round by round, move by move, video replay of 75 fruit fly fights reveals statistically significant patterns of normal fighting behavior"

The sloganator was a GOP-provided webtool that would generate custom Bush-Cheney posters. Pranksters used it to generate their own ironic slogans, until it was shut down. This Flash blog is a montage of some of the funniest.Sloganator Memorial

Google's news organized in a cool way. You really should click this and see it.

How to drive fast on drugs while getting your wing-wang squeezed and not spill your drink- p.j. o'rourke

a scary weapon, which we'll see soon at WTO protests being used against peaceful protestors

Yodel Course ::Welcome::

LINGUIST List: Why we capitalize the Pronoun "I", again
Here come the big words. Are you ready?

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Radio legend Cooke dies aged 95
Why couldn't it be Paul Harvey instead? I loved "letter from America".

The Untitled Project, in which we see just how obnoxious words are

I have a tree. For the first time in whenever, it's been raining, so I put it outside. It was supposed to have snowed today, was way below room temperature, but I left it outside. Bringing it back in, the plant looks better than I've ever seen it. All its leaves are standing out from the stalks with wild vibrancy. This was a great day for that plant, and I'm sorry I haven't given it more, but to see the difference makes me see that there is a valid, selfish interest in growing something that you can cripple, so that you can turn it loose for a little while when you're not poisoning it and watch it flourish. I've been babying this plant. Nobody argues with babying a baby. Do only people need to be babied? And for whose sake are people babied? Definitely not their own. The keepers love to be keepers.

But I like having houseplants. What am I gonna do?

Monday - Info - President Roosevelt

You have to see this fark photoshop contest. Why is Condoleeza Rice so angry-looking?
If you read anything on Atrios, you'll know why. She's busted, and this look indicates the latter half of the sentiment "give me what I want or I'm going to be pouty" has come into play. - The oldest bank robber: No regrets - Mar 28, 2004
"Rountree loses track of many names, events, dates. But the man -- who slightly resembles the late actor Hume Cronyn -- can remember the important details.

The good ones revolve around Faye, the woman with whom he had a "50-year-one-month love affair.""

Sorry, but I have to tell you about my dream.

About sixty people had lunches but no silverware so it was like "prize day" and a bunch of camp counselors were throwing silverware at us. They nailed an asian girl with forks right in her side while she was sitting playing a violin. She fell over and didn't move.
My brother Joe was a kid, being interviewed about his star wars collection. They weren't treating it like a cutesy kid story either, because he could see into the future. He was obsessed with Star wars collectibles that were yellow in color.
Then there was a video montage of the news televising all these proudest moments in people's lives. The secret ones that no one ever saw or would believe if they told them about it. These pool shots they hit when no one was looking, or them saving babies from drowning when no one was around. One guy threw his shirt when he got in his house, and then coudn't find it when he came back from the bathroom. He looked everywhere, then saw it was hanging on a hanger. He had thrown it just right. The camera zoomed in on his face, and he had a look of goofy incomprehension. Everybody had that look when their moments came. Most of them loked around to see if anyone had seen this happen.


I rewrite the road less traveled:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And I couldn't go down both of them!
What are you, crazy?
How exactly could a guy do that,
I ask in all seriousness.
But I did want to, sort of.
Life is like that.
Anyway I looked down one till I couldn't see
Cause it disappeared behind a tree.

So the other one looked just as good
But it had a little more grass on it.
They both looked pretty left alone,
Because the leaves weren't black
From being stepped on that day.
So i figured what the hell?
How one thing leads to another
I wasn't sure if I'd be back.
To try the other one, I mean.

Well, anyway,
That was a long time ago.
I took the one that looked less walked on.
So here we are.
Yay. Whatever.

Greeting card ideas. The first line is on the front, the second line inside:

it's the beer that's smiling
i miss you

your phaser of love is set for stun
star trek's just weird, huh?

you're like a laser beam in the toilet of love
shining on my turd-heart

your love is like a flower
it smells like flowers too, kind of

i want to be your kidney
and purify your love-blood

if there was something i could say right now
i'd have written you a card myself

cards are nice
so here's a card

in case of love open card
ok, that was a trap.

a man chases a woman till she catches him
sad but true

love is like turtles
in a way, probably

they don't make cards out of love
but if they did i'd buy you one

Lisa Rein's Videos and Photos - Comprehensive Index

"I sit on my ass in front of a computer most of the day. . .they call it *work,* yet it feels more like bed rest. . .a cup of water and a couple sticks of sugar-free chewing gum is more than enough to get me through the day."
Give the netjerk lounge a chance at JIM GOAD. Some great writing here, and you don't even have to wade through total shit to get to it.

"the paranoia show" - a film by andre perkowski

WorkingForChange-Fiore Presents: Today's Growth Industries

MUSIC TELEVISION SUCKS, home to many music videos.

Why the web won't topple tyranny

Wouldn't it be nice if we had a president who shaved his head for a fundraiser for kids with cancer?



More on Bartleby.

This movie made me laugh out loud several times. The comedy is pitch black. I kept thinking it was a movie Tim Burton wishes he'd made. If there are other movies like this one, please email me and tell me what they are.

Bartleby's Blank Wall

National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States

Extorsion, Nigerian style.
At the moment, I can't think of anything scarier than this. It's not graphic, but it still might give you a nasty shock.

YouSendIt | Email large files quickly, securely, and easily!

How cool is that, and who wants some media? It's burning a hole in my pocket. Homepage
Learn from the best. And if you can't afford the best, learn to hack from naked chicks.
These guys did the notorious Nmap video, which I posted but don't want to go looking for right now.

My unending quest to be entertained brought me before the new movie "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind", and beware, the following may spoil it for you.

I knew you'd read this anyway. Deep down you already felt this movie was gonna be twaddle, and right you were. It was an uncaptivating depiction of a shallow, immature romance gone wrong twice over, and left me with the impression that Charlie Kaufman was in a bind and runnin' behind so he was willin' to make a deal. A writer as talented hasn't produced something this awful since Garth Brooks decided he'd dress up as Chris Gaines. Face it. No fences was a great album.
If you can't come up with something better than a clingy, crushy romance montage, just get out. And stay out. To carry the story through totally predictable memories inside the head of the main character, it was apparently agreed that a whimpering gamma male should crush on an unlovable, insecure Kate Winslet.

The crowd sighs with relief as we interrupt this boring crap to bring you the latest.

You're not even going to believe this.

Even if it takes your puny bitrate three hours, watch the streaming uncapturable video here.

Dowloadable here. That's what I did. It's easier and you're going to want to show this to everyone you know, so you want it right where you can use it.

Fox had a pilot for a new show that was about flying a plane into the world trade center in order that the military industrial complex could continue to dominate the economy. This is that pilot. One of the actors pretty much sums up the whole deal in a short monologue, my favorite part of which is about smart-bombing dictators. Thanks, Ron Bumsfeld, for the link.

Honolulu Star-Bulletin News
Looks like they found some human remains at the site of a new Wal-Mart that's going up in Hawaii.

Actual quote:
"Descendants former owners of the property support the , according to state documents."

Great work, guys.

With the kind of power Wal-Mart has over everything imaginable, it's possible that the typo was preferable (from an editorial standpoint) to what the article used to say. It's not even easy to figure out what it should have said contextually.

savvy traveler on NPR:
"when you're in antarctica you feel like you're somewhere completely different."
F#$* you, "savvy traveler". You can't write, you're boring people obsessed with yourselves, and we'd all be better off if just anybody anywhere did a story on where they already were. Bob could do a piece from his foam pad under an L.A. freeway. Speaking of which, thanks, unpresident Bush, for ensuring future generations of Americans will have battle-scarred veterans around making everybody nervous for decades to come. The Vietnam vets were all about to die of and leave a legacy of wasted life to no one, but you stepped in. "I'm a war president" - Bush from the Russert interview. "We could have used that information in 2000." -- Jon Stewart

Savvy traveler can bite me.

My VCR contains Bartleby, which is a 2002 film starring the Creepiest Actor Of Our Time, Crispin Glover. This is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time, which is why I am calling it "longtimebestmoviefunbrain". It occurs to me I'm wasting my time on superlatives rather than saying much about the actual content of the film, but whatever.

STICK MAN (fiction)
This was in Harper's a while back. It's a commentary on the media. I loved it.

100 movies that deserve more love

Others I'd say that weren't on the list are
Yor: hunter of the future
Black mama, white mama (the first hour only)
The defiant ones
The maltese falcon
Night of the hunter
Dancing outlaw
Disco godfather
American movie - War Rationale: Version 10.0
"Saddam Hussein poses an 'imminent threat' to the American people.

Version 1.0 - Saddam Hussein is an imminent threat
Version 1.01 - Saddam Hussein is a gathering threat
Version 1.02 - Saddam Hussein poses a real and dangerous threat
Version 1.1 - The smoking gun will be a mushroom cloud
Version 1.2 - We can't afford to wait
Version 1.3 - We never said imminent
Version 1.3.1 - OK, maybe we did say it once or twice
Version 1.4 - We should have been more precise "

Babes Against Bush! presents: a mockery of Bush lovers, BY Bush lovers!
It just doesn't get any better than hate mail to Babes against Bush.


German Propaganda Archive, an extensive collectionworth looking through. Anyone can find something here that will interest them. - The World's longest email addresses


the gory and disgusting miracle of life

Khaaan! - Under Ohio bill, children in porn wouldn't have to be real
I guess we don't have to worry about that pesky first amendment any more, both because of this and clear channel. Clear channel post courtesy of Bummy at clusterblog.

It's hard to explain that fake child porn is an example of art and free speech, but it's easy to understand. What is illegal in terms of speech? Things that hurt people, like libel, defamation, and snuff films. Child pornography may or may not hurt children, see my already-posted example. But it's always easier to jump on the bandwagon of righteousness than it is to try to make a defense of free information, and the next time some republican tries to talk about how democrats want to put the goverment in charge of everything, consider that if the government wants to be in charge of everything, they're going to use little laws like the ohio child porn law to cut us off from free exchange of ideas, or this one. Yes, dearests, the Grand Old Party is not only a danger at this point, it's the enemy. And those who support it support nobody being able to criticize it. And at that point, it's all over. George Orwell said this would happen, and this post contains several repeats, but listen to the "thought police": "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever." This process has begun.

Dr. Michael Newdow, my main man.

National Geographic: Salem Witch-Hunt--Interactive

Corn sweetener linked to obesity, there's a train which runs behind my girlfriend's house, and last week I was on the phone with my brother asking him about arbitrage when one was rolling by. It was all big cars of corn oil and corn sweetener, made by cargill. A whole train of obesity, proecessed and ready to be processed some more, so it can be driven around and dropped off at Wal-Mart, which people will drive to, so they can eat and drink it and eat it and get fatter and fatter and fatter. Then they can come to my hospital and get their stomachs augmented and banded and shrunken because their obesity is out of control. My friend said as the ncome curve goes up, obesity goes down. Smart people don't feed their children mickey d's and wonder why they're fatties. Fast food restaurants are in poor neighborhoods. Convenience stores have lottery tickets, slim jims, corn fat and sugar snacks and treats and drinks and hot dogs and doughnuts, and you don't see rich people there, stocking up. You see the poor.



The following videos from Jeff Krulik:


public access gibberish

most entertaining man on planet earth

and the one that started it all, heavy metal parking lot

A Break in the Road - Luke Whittaker

Bush Introduces Homo Alert System

counting sheep

T-Shirt Hell's 'Born on Dates'
some of these are very funny t-shirts

The Carpetbagger Report: Scandal after scandal after scandal

Dale's water is off. Dale's water has been off for over twenty-six hours. Dale's water is not scheduled to be on at any specific time. Dale's helpful handymen got called away for an emergency.

What is an emergency when it comes to plumbing? I would say water not working is right up there. Other things that are ahead of it are probably sewage leaking all over the floor, actually that's the only thing ahead of it. So once that's fixed they should come right back, right?

Dale has bottled water. Dale's compassionate downstairs neighbor is allowing Dale to use his bathroom. Dale is pretty unhappy and is enjoying the use of the third person, so he can pretend it's happening to someone else.

The September 11 commission is on cspan three. Not one, not two, but three.

It's a good morning here at the hospital! The mad russian didn't call and wake me up and banshriek is mild and mellow.

Banshriek's wearing blue today. When it's red you better put in earplugs, but on blue days we're going to make it through all right. She's got a pretty noticeable rear cargo area which is the topic of discussion for many employees of this fine establishment, and ever since she caught its most outspoken admirer gaping at it she's shied away from the grey pants, and believe me, if you worked here you'd know what I mean when I say grey pants. That woman's butt in those pants (if you took the guy who got busted's word for it) was like a retina-blistering laser.


the bearer of bad news

Chipotle Nutrtion Calculator
I knew it was too good to be true.

Hard-Disk Risk
"Much of the data we found was truly shocking. One of the drives once lived in an ATM. It contained a year's worth of financial transactions—including account numbers and withdrawal amounts—from a organization that had a legal requirement to not divulge such information. Two other drives contained more than 5,000 credit card numbers—it looked as if one had been inside a cash register. Another had e-mail and personal financial records of a 45-year-old fellow in Georgia. The man is divorced, paying child support and dating a woman he met in Savannah. And, oh yeah, he's really into pornography." - Government Accounts of 9/11 Reveal Gaps, Inconsistencies

"Scores of interviews with those who played key roles that day or directly witnessed events suggest that some official accounts of Sept. 11 are incorrect, incomplete or in dispute. Among other things, the commission is examining such questions as how long Mr. Bush remained in a Florida classroom just after the World Trade Center strikes, whether there really was a threat to Air Force One that day, how effectively American fighter jets reacted to the attacks, and who activated the national-emergency-response plan."

Gee, you think?


Big Dead Place, antarctica blog

A bad last thought before you died would be "I should have been more specific."

I'm sure that's happened to someone, and even though they died as a result of the subsequent event, it had to be a little funny.

Bad things to see, on the grounds they'd be likely to be the last, and the likelihood of it being the last thing you'll ever see is proportional to its scariness, and of course with the condition that scariness is bad:

Kathy Bates in a nurse's outfit.
An apartment building directly overhead.
A ravening pack of wild dogs.
Clowns. [I guess anything so singly purposed as a clown is unsettling, including Disneytropolis, where it's just good after good after good. The brain shivers at this concept, that something is just good and wholesome and right and there are no side effects and nothing ever goes wrong.]
Bloods on the left, Crips on the right.

Feel free to add your own in the comments area, which is right under here, not above. Books | The confessions of a semi-successful author
get your irony here... you have to subscribe to read this article about the consolidation of literature and the evils of its mass-marketing.

some back story on charlie kaufman, if you're into him.

THORNE PETERS, wannabe "renaissance man" and most narcissistic living website owner, some gallery pics NSFW


a great wallpaper site, I'm using the cave.

Zombie Army upgrade, emergent behavior ensues

Yahoo! News - Suicide Caution Sought for Antidepressants

The Cosby show will never be the same

did i miss something?

Chicks and dudes, the early mornin' phone call woke me again. I'm going in early. They pay me so it's ok.

I met a guy yesterday who lives pretty far away and who formerly took the bus to work, but since they've quit running, he can't get back and forth that easily. His calculations show that it's more affordable for him to work, and when he's done, mosey around and sleep in disused rooms in the adjoining buildings than it is to go home. So he does. He wants more hours but the department hit a budget crunch so he can't get any. This guy's situation reminds me how comparitively lucky I am, and when I get the chance to work some more I have to take it. It also reminds me why it's in my interest to come up with a brilliant plan to stop people tubing igg (immunoglobulin) and wasting it, costing my department thousands of dollars that will have to come from somewhere else (my job). Flolan cassetes are another giant waste, so I've got to figure that one out, too, or I, too, could be reduced to sleeping in corridors, running away from security in the middle of the night. It's nothing worse than what's happened to me before, but like Tennessee Williams character Maggie from a hot tin roof says, "You can be young without money, but you can't be old without it." I have no desire to be without money ever again. The TGIFriday's debacle taught me something, which is to live by the words of Tennessee Williams, who also says "In memory everything seems to happen to music" and "Luck is believing you're lucky" and "Marlon Brando in an undershirt is the sexiest thing ever." Not the last one, though.

My brother said that in everyone's life eventually something happens that crushes and destroys them, and that he felt that truth was underrepresented in the popular consciousness. He's right.
The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off But if it's true do we need to be reminded of it when it's not happening? Yes, because we could all use a moment of reflection and try to remember to be nice to people for change, but would it sell if the things people buy typically engender hope or optimism or even reluctance to acknowledge their inevitable misery and demise, which I expect is the case? Look at the sales of these items compared with the opposites.

American Splendor, gritty, realistic graphic novel versus Thomas Kincade, painter of light.

I have to get to work, but there are plenty more comparisons like that to be made.


eat right, exercise, die anyway
Brian Maxwell, founder of the multimillion-dollar PowerBar empire and a former world-class marathon runner, has died of a heart attack, friends said. He was 51.

this is a link to pictures of a nearly-naked woman dressed as a nurse
It is not safe for work. She is somewhat attractive.

Well thought out, comprehensive, full of facts, I love
Talking Points Memo: by Joshua Micah Marshall: March 20, 2004

Recently Discovered Near-Earth Asteroid Makes Record-breaking Approach to Earth
We almost got smoked by an asteroid.

CBS News | Did Bush Press For Iraq-9/11 Link?
In case you missed 60 minutes tonight.

optical illusion

"The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: "Pray for
the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the
definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical
principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of
marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by
our government." This is true.

Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by
action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals,
is a proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely
on biblical principles:

Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between
one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a
virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut

the whole thing, very funny. Funny because the world is insane.

work for the homeland security department! creepy. read it. "The Entertainment Liaison Office supports the Office of Public Affairs by influencing how the Department of Homeland Security is portrayed in mass entertainment media. It helps to ensure accurate portrayal of the department’s mission, policies, and activities, while proactively working to help the American public better identify DHS functions."
Accurate is entirely subjective. "Proactively working to help the American public identify"? How you gonna do that? I doubt they're going to sit people in front of screens clockwork orange style and make them watch their Americamericamerica propaganda, so what's proactive about the information? Are people so stupid they'll believe whatever you put on tv? I think so, based on the new American tradition of American Idol; the public thinks those contestants have talent. It's the creepiest show I've ever seen and yet I'm the one who gets funny looks when I criticize it. The flock is always wrong. Without fail. One hundred per cent of the time. So I think all that "proactive" requires is putting information directly into the brains of the automaton vote-sheep, which can be easily accomplished in at most an hour a day. The inactivity of the viewers makes the message proactive by comparison. I tell people I don't watch TV and they look at me like I'm Ted Kaczynski. I hate them all. | Higher | Odds on that God exists, says scientist
Dr Unwin said he was interested in bridging the gap between science and religion. He argues that rather than being a theological issue, the question of God's existence is simply a matter of statistics.

Well, that's settled. God exists. There's all the proof you need right there. End of story. Thanks for coming.

How Was She
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the only site on the internet that gives you the answer to one of life's most important questions: just how good is the sex going to be? And how hard do you have to work to get it? Now, using, that information is right at your fingertips."

you're going to need your audio on for this, the funniest video clip of all, in which a little kid says:

Celebrity lookalikes

Video / Anabuki CM
some crazy japanese commercial

send the coolest email ever

Ok, this needs a preface.

In my military school there was a guy who did charades with certain parts of his anatomy. For me his freakish love of exhibitionism overshadowed the variety of caricatures he was able to produce, like the fruit basket, the flying squirrel, the commandant, etc. Here's one I would have seen if he'd thought of it. Warning, a man's genitals are displayed on this page.
the loch ness monster

The operation took place seven weeks ago but was not announced until Thursday.
Mother foresees bright future for baby who got eight organs | The Arizona Daily Star
Any future is a bright future after you get eight new organs at the same time. At this point, ma'am, your baby is more somebody else's than it is yours. Maybe you can get every other weekend.


Every time google breaks wind, the blogosphere goes nuts.
Which I guess is fair since it's probably the first big thing to make the internet relevant.
Google Local Search
Every time I break wind, I go nuts!
Yeah! Ha ha ha!

Neighbor Search
Use the location search (on your home address) to find those who live near you that have made presidential campaign contributions. You can also search for friends or celebrities by name. Democracy in Action, this is the full clip of Rumsfeld, caught in a lie. For more information on the lying liars, see this. It's the Waxman report.

Damn! Japanese Pencil Carving

40 things every drunk should do before he dies

Somebody tubed igg today, the dumbass. You send that stuff through the pneumatic tube and you suck. It's sooo expensive. Damn! I just want to bitchslap that *!@#er!!

None of the managers are here today so I get to wear blue jeans. Yippee.
Maybe they left a note to remind her, or maybe it comes with the job, but the woman who's standing in for the shreiking manager lady is a hyperventilating heap of histrionics.

Yahoo! News - Crowd Storms Restaurant Over Alcohol

maybe the blood of virgins would have kept them out of trouble

chaca chaca es muy no bueno por la vida

Save Martha! For Martha Stewart fans

Bush in 30 Seconds

Student's refusal to adjust cap leads to arrest, controversy

Although I doubt anyone has trolled the depths of my slink bar, I have had to remove a site for a virus it (probably inadvertently) linked to. Viruses should be avoided whenever possible. Because I, Dale, care about your love machine, and don't want it to become infected.

The Canonical List of Weird Band Names

Reason, a secular humanist look at christian rock, there are a lot of comics at this site.

teenage file-swapping involves nude pictures of selves, in a related story,
catatonically sex-phobic culture forgets we're all a bunch of dumb, naked apes fascinated by genetic mandate with reproduction, not righteous, hysterical browbeating shamers.

The kids are all right, naked or not.


the most boring photoblog of all time

Sweary Geezer MAX!

my virtual nation-state, start your own here

Wired 12.03: The Complete Guide to Googlemania

big trouble in little statesboro
looks like a couple got all riled up by the jesus chainsaw massacre and attacked each other over it.

BBC NEWS | UK | England | Devon | Sixteen-year-old Katrina Lindfield, from Whimple near Exeter, says she can understand her geese and is also teaching her own flock how to fly


How can I explain to my girlfriend that it's the car that wants to go fast, and I'm the only one who can understand it?

that liberal media

may i have this dance? not safe for work

japanese girl fart videos, buy them here! If only the prices were more reasonable. I'd pay a lot for videos of girls farting, but not that much!

It's spring break, and there are girls going wild all over the place, right now! Cancun is full of girls going wild. Panama city is, too. Lake Havasu, Lake Winnepesaukah, Lake Calhoun, shit, all the places where girls go to go wild are chock full of wild-going girls. I shudder to think of all the girls and wildness! It's so wonderful!

The wild girls are all so happy and surprised that they're young, and drunk, and girls, and wild!

But sadly, it's not all sunshine for the girls gone wild.

There are many regrets being created at this very moment. If only someone could have warned them, someone, anyone let them know that they're not that special, not that unique and amazing and interesting! That yes, other girls have been going wild for thousands of years, that they're not the very first people ever to embrace liquor and wildness! If I can help just one girl from going wild and having hot drunken sex with a stranger, my mission will be accomplished. Save yourselves, young, wild girls! Don't tip that forty-ounce malt liquor back and lift your shirt! Please, for the love of Pete, don't say "woo!" You're better than that!

Well, as obviously facetious as that was, there are those that will not understand, so now I have to come back to the point that the "party-ing" spring break girls are not in fact better than that. Hell, get ripped and screw away! Your stupid fucking degree isn't going to get you a job, so have a great time! Make a total ass of yourself because you're just going to die anyway and it won't matter a pair of dingo's kidneys what you do, because you are completely and utterly inconsequential and meaningless. Not even the lord cares, because there is no lord to care. You are alone and you are worthless. Have a drink. Be happy. Here, let me reach over and hand it to you. Would you like the label facing you or facing away? That's right. Be drunk, girl. Be wild. Enjoy yourself. There will be time for reflection, but that time is not now. Now is the time for waste and excess.

Yee-haw! Woo! Yeah, baby! Chug! Chug! Chug! Woo!

There is virtue in sociopathy.

Child porn expert jailed for abusing girls
Did I tell you this? Because I'm pretty sure I did. The zealotry thing? That wasn't just in my imagination, right? Oh yeah. Up with righteousness!

New York Daily News - Home - Mom & tot die in tub accident
Darwin fails to roll over in his grave.


The most basic question of all: Has the invasion of Iraq really made the United States safer?

This post inpired me to ask what else was called "the most basic question of all".

Everybody thinks their cause is the only one that matters. How not amazing that is.

BAD Darth!

Overheard bit.

There's a girl here in the pharmacy that says if she turns out to be a rich old lady, she's going to drive a jaguar. When she's "ninety or something." So if she's twenty-four now, that means she'll be ninety in 66 years. It's pretty lame-ass to think you can look that far into the future and contemplate which luxury car you'll be driving around. That's just a waste of time. She won't ever think about the stupidity of her comment. She's one of the lucky ones that the rest of us have to clench our teeth and pretend to ignore till the anger dies down. I really can't stand her kind.

see rumsfeld. see rumsfeld lie. lie, rumsfeld, lie!

the world's oldest cat is 33

the passion of christ flash movie, set to music

excerpt from Guts by Chuck Palahniuk


From the police scanner:

Police are being dispatched to sexworld for some questionable circumstances. Sexworld is one big questionable circumstance, so they should have their hands full.
No information about the explosion.

The inexplicable boom, again. Right at ten o'clock. This time, sirens at ten o seven.

Journal of the Brazilian Chemical Society - Preparation of a ferrofluid using cyclodextrin and magnetite

I am scheduled to work at eleven a.m.

No one in America wakes up four hours before they are supposed to be at work.

I got another call from the Mad Russian this morning, at seven a.m.

The overtime is nice, but you'd think she'd just give it to me regularly rather than be my alarm clock.

Iraq on the record, the bush administration's record of mistruths that led us to war.
Great link from Ron Bumsfeld at clusterblog.

Andre Breton is making my day brighter, for it is he whom I can thank as I look about the soulless IV room and ask: which of these objects is the most reluctant?

How can an object be reluctant?
How, indeed! Bwahahahahaha!

An original jokey:

Why did the weapons of mass destruction cross the road?
What fucking weapons of mass destruction?

Well, I've got my tickets and the state of Tennessee paid, and I'm waiting for some kind of confirmation from them that I'm free to drive a car again. I remember right after I moved up here in 1997 when I heard on the news that most of the country had gone on a system that stopped drivers getting licenses in different states if they weren't allowed to drive in others. I was indifferent. Little did I know what hells awaited me when I got my shit together and stopped thinking I was going to die in the next ten minutes all the time. Now that I actually think I'm going to survive a few of the coming years (which does give me a familiar pang of panic to admit) the backwoods polity has caught up with me. I, like Ricky Nelson, fought the law... sort of like the time I overate at a picnic, that horrible day I fought the slaw and the slaw won. Oh god, sometimes I wish I had died. The jokes are just so much worse as time goes on. Anyway, I've paid the volunteer state and I want a driver's license. I want a new picture, too. In the "ID" I have now I look like a thug. Now that I have a car again I can't think of anywhere to drive it. I think I'll just have to get in it and drive it very far in some direction and then turn randomly until I get somewhere that it's nice to be. All the advertised places are the same, full of people who read advertisements. The best I can hope for, maybe in general, and it is worth hoping for, is that I find some people who don't read advertisements. I see fields in my future. Corn fields. That's what we've got a lot of here in the midwest. Maybe some trees that I can walk between. Some place shady in the middle of a sunny day, or somewhere with no wires running across the horizon for a while before a storm kicks up and the sun from beyond the storm front lights the ground while the sky darkens like it's being painted with tar. That's the prettiest thing I can remember seeing, I think. Yes, and all I need is permission. Because I drove too fast and didn't pay up quick enough. I'm addicted to this fantasy now. While we're at it, the radio might as well get nothing but static. The fences are all broken or laying flat. Water runs across the streets, weeds come up through cracks in parking lots, discarded metal bits like the pop-tops of soda cans tarnish and fade into the gravel. I'll stop before everybody pukes on their keyboards.

Emperor Norton

Avalanche Company: The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

radio vox populi: live from the commons


bizarre love trangle, cool animation if you have all the bandwidth in the world

how to dance properly -

Olde English

There are some funny videos here though the humor is a little self-indulgent, a little sarcastic... they're mostly a waste of time, now that I think about it.

FBI adds to wiretap wish list | CNET

KR Washington Bureau | 03/11/2004 | Bush administration ordered Medicare plan cost estimates withheld

Every once in a while, I hear a really loud bang outside, and I never find out what it was later. Once it was thunder and a couple of friends and I all called each other to see if it had really happened. It didn't sound like thunder, though. It was just one loud explosion all by itself, and it set off every alarm in this part of town. Later came other different thunder so we figured it was a weather anomaly. That was the loudest of them all, but there were others. Once it sounded like a machine gun, but one that shot cannon balls. I was on the street corner waiting to cross when that one happened. Everyone around looked at each other to see if they had heard it too, which of course they had. How something could be that loud and not right in front of us was the strangest part of that one. I still have no idea what it could have been or where it could possibly have come from. It was like they were blowing up a building right across the street. More common are what are probably gunshots, and I've heard three times a noise like a bomb which could have been a bomb, somewhere, I guess. I'd like it if I found out someday there was a secret lab around here where some genius science guy was making a new kind of superweapon. I'd like it even more if they found out it was me and I didn't know, like fight club, and then the world bowed down before my mighty power and made me their king.

The loud noises outside remind me the things we really want to know are the hardest to find out.

BBC NEWS | Health | 'Put fat children on Atkins diet'
The lovely Joyce: That should end the population problem and also increase medical spending per capita. Good call, lovely Joyce. Good call.

First went the sink. It wouldn't drain. The clog resisted the drano, the snake, and the chemicals purchased from the department of defense. After that, moving from left to right, came the toilet. The seal broke on it, sending sheets of water cascading from the tank to the floors below through the floor, the ceiling, the floor and the ceiling again. What I'm left with is the shower, and no, I haven't been peeing in it. That's gross. The whole apartment is on track to collapse on itself by mandate of the physical laws concerning decrepitude, taking with it most of the neighborhood. This failure of matter as we know it, by my calculations, will occur in the coming week, so I will be on hand to catalog it, sacrificing my life to serve the pursuit of science.

The scheduling woman called me to (ask?) if I would come in to work early today. "You will come in early today to cover [shift] please." Rude. I'm tempted to draw a comparison to her people, the Russians, because I want to believe that Americans innately grasp politeness better than that. Which is wishful thinking. Were she American, it would be a more insidious function of self applied to management, the guilt trip.


Well it turns out my pay phone was not in Mulga as I first thought. It's from Fairfield, Alabama. Here, to be exact, at 3913 Lloyd Noland Parkway. I know this because it says so on the front of the pay phone. It gives me a charge to think that somebody may be passing that place today, and look at the place where the pay phone used to be, and wonder where it is. I'm using it as a residential phone now in Minneapolis.

Mulga, Alabama is a town a few miles west of Birmingham. Maybe famous people were born there. Odd that that should be a notoriously noteworthy criterium. Dolly Parton is from Sevierville, home to many new condos. They build there because it's pretty and then once they've built there it's not pretty any more. Congratulations. People ruin everything. Anyway, the population of Mulga was listed as 973 in the 2000 census, and the area is listed as 0.6 square miles. That comes to a poplation density of 1621 and 2/3 people per square mile. Not your typical countryside.


alternate ending for Super Mario Brothers

loop labs


If time flies when you're having fun and time is relative, my boss lives in the future. I've got to ask what it's like there. She makes everyone around her so miserable that by comparison, her time goes by faster than everyone else's whether she's having fun or not. She speaks in a banshriek. Her management style is pure irrationodisciplinarianship.

Someone brought chocolate chip cookies to work today.

A guy went up to them, grabbbed one and said "It's ok, my doctor put me on a high chocolate chip diet."

Then the lady next to him said, "What's his name, I want to go see him."

Then they both laughed.

It's Friday, so I don't have to go to TGIFriday's to celebrate. See, in there, it's always Friday. Out here it really is Friday, so to go there to pretend it's Friday would be silly. People can get a cheeseburger anywhere. People come to Tchochke's for the atmosphere and the attitude. That's what it's about. Fun. K?

Going bowling tonight. Got my bowling shoes in the bag. Need my own ball. Bowling is awshum.

Got this package together for my brother Joe, who won't be reading this before he gets it, so here's the surprise inside:

got to go now, maybe later we can get into that. See, it's that I don't have time to write that down. I have to get to work, not sit here typing in the very short list of things in the package. There's only so much time, and I can't waste it hitting the keys that spell the words that represent the very few and simple things in the box. It is a box which once contained a TV antenna, which is now installed on my television set, and that helps me get a few channels. I get the major networks fuzzy still, which may change when I wiggl the antenna around, but with crystal clarity I get Daystar network, two other christian channels, and home shopping. It's weird. Why daystar? Why? The host, at the time I tuned in was talking about how he asked the lord to make his netowrk successful, and the lord said to him that he would. The host said that the lord also told him some other things, but that he wasn't at liberty to disclose them at the present time. I just get so goddamed angry that I get this horseshit and not even Letterman. The lord told him stuff, but he can't tell us what. Yet. Yeah.


From The Sect of Homokaasu, the coolest site of the month, rasterbator, links go! same place! you need flash and adobe acrobat to run! Hiee-ah!

TV Tropes & Idioms: The Catalogue

What should you use to write down that you just took a dump?
-a number 2 pencil.

What do you call it when a lumberjack farts?
- He cut the trees.

What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?
- Poop-and-dick-cular

What do you call it when you go out with a woman and you force her to eat pancakes? - Date crepe.

Why can't a soldier look whistfully at the ocean? - Because there's no Gaze in the military.

What do you call it when a long fish didn't quite make it?
- he eelmost made it.

Thanks, Louis CK.

who's everybody going to vote for? Conservative News and Information - The Conservative Movement Starts Here

a video, very funny, about revenge, here

On the day I was born, ABBA's "dancing queen" was the top of the charts. What about you?

In a perfect world, NSFW

Attention women: until your farts start smelling like cinnamon buns, quit bitching.

flexible site of much hot female nakedness. Safe for work? Not remotely.

Boyfriend marker

Hot Rod Speedstrip Applicator condoms

Signs your mobile home is haunted...

is this illegal to give a bank clerk?

TechTV | Dark Tip: Beer Catapult


truth in advertising

performance art

TechTV | Best Computer Pranks Ever

Every time I talk with my brother Joe, I wind up with about seven open windows. From the previous post about the wal-mart shopping cart pushers to Jack Chick, to homemade greeting cards.

Joe made some greeting cards that said something like "in your time of sadness" with the sun shining or something, and then the inside was some saying like "God knows we can endure the hardship. - Genesis 14:4", and I don't know what that verse really is, but he'd pick some verse that was really: "And he lay with his own daughter and knew her nakedness". That is the funniest thing I have ever heard.

Here's a chick tract in which a student shoots evolution full of holes!

Jack Chick's tracts are full of educational pictures, for those of us not that interested in going to say, gay bars!
Jack doesn't want us to be left out! He's not trying to shock us or anything!

Yep. Is it just my imagination or was that picture of two dudes kissing pretty real-looking. Anyone who wants to spend all the tie it would take to draw that, that well, well, they make me question their motivation. A lot of chick's tracts are available at his website.

To make your own "Uncle Joe's inspirational Christian Greeting Cards", go here to look up the bible verses broken down by sordid subject matter.

my car started

I can't believe it. It actually did. Vroom, baby. Vroom. Aw, yeah. Trumpets, angels and nightingales combined could not have been more pleasing to my ear. It warms my innards to think of the noise even now. It's the exact opposite of the way I felt when I forgot to lock the bathroom door and someone caught me in mid-tribute to Onan at a Wal-Mart, many years ago.

Not only that, though. My pay phone showed up. It's a monster, weighing in at about forty-five, fifty pounds. If I installed it in the bathroom without bolting a plank to the wall first it would tear the whole wall out.

It's a good day.

CBS News | 'Abstaining' Teens Still Get STDs | March 9, 2004�11:17:06
Well, golly!

WorkingForChange-This Modern World: Where Dubya Really Went in 1972


Daypop Top 40 Links

I corrected for punctuation, but this is self-talk, from a tape recorder I carried with me today, so I could see what happened later, later being now:

Outcome-obsessed life. If what has happened at the end of the day is more important than how you spent the day, do you really have a good life? You go to work, voluntarily miserable for a while so you can afford some stuff to take your mind off how miserable you are, and that's normal? What you trade to make some money to buy god-knows what -- it's just sick that you surround yourself with shit so you can spend your time getting it, this sucks.

Ashcroft sings...
Once in a great while, you see something that makes you stop. This is that thing.

"Rousing rendition" !?

John Ashcroft is a fucking nutjob.

Bypass Compulsory Web Registration

The Onion | I Can Make Things Right

All the anti-bush stuff

MSNBC - 2004 Campaign: A 'Shocking' Stumble
Nice firefighters in your reelection ads, Bush. Oh, I mean actors. But they LOOK like firefighters, yeah!


Office of the Clark County Coroner - Unidentified

Bingo The Clowno, which I am told is like the movie Brazil in some way

Kill 1 Kill 2 Kill 3 Kill 4 Kill 5 Kill 6 Kill 7 Kill 8 Kill 9 Kill 10 Kill 11, dead rat photography.

cat with hands, a video

DARE TO SING . COM, where you can listen to people's karaoke. Some of it's supposed to be funny and some isn't. Figuring it out is the fun part. Some of this is really bad, and totally hilarious.

Carl de Keyzer Photography, just another badass photography site.

post-chernobyl photos

ice crystal photography - Pentagon to offer direct news service from Iraq and Afghanistan | Far-out fantasies of a suburban thinker (March 7, 2004)

Confidence Man - The case for Bush is the case against him. By William Saletan

Sunday - RNC tells TV stations not to run anti-Bush ads - Mar 7, 2004

I've been emailing lately.

I sent my hospital a letter requesting that I be considered for a seat on the ethics committee, mainly because I want to sit in the kinds of meeting rooms that ethics committees meet in, and talk about the kinds of life and death things they talk about. Why not?

I sent Bellsouth a letter requesting information on the pay phone I paid for in December and still isn't here. In fifteen minutes the woman emailed me back to tell me it'll be here in a week.

In response to a letter my police precinct sent me about cars being broken into, I sent them a letter back asking if I could booby-trap my car to just blow the hell out of whoever broke into it. I mean, it is MY car and everything, and I'm not too crazy about driving it, so if I can rid the world of one criminal with a mind-paralyzing explosion in the middle of the night, who's the worse off?

I emailed Tina Fey's unofficial webmistress to tell her about a good character for weekend update. Old man, or as the lovely Joyce suggested, dirty old man. The thing writes itself.

Trial Lawyers Inc. | Attorneys' Fees

The bus strike sucks. I used to take the bus to work. Dollar twenty-five each way. Now, the cab. Ten bucks each way. This article was on the cover of the sunday section of the strib.

This is about health care. Health care is very, very expensive. I wouldn't have it myself if I didn't work in a hospital AND belong to a union. Of course I'm going to say this, but they've all got it wrong. The bus workers are mad at the city council and the city council is against the wall financially, and everybody's mad at everybody, because healthcare is a basic human right and there is no system in place to insure that if you need it, you get it, as a citizen of the greatest blah blah blah.

The hideous oversimplification:

If there was more $, it would work out just fine, and if the state could squeeze more money out of its citizens it would. We've reached an uncomfortable equilibrium, with people being taxed what they consider enough, and the state standing around kicking rocks shrugging about its inability to afford anything. Why does healthcare cost so much, anyway? Insurance companies have to show a profit, that's why. Health insurance should be held in the public trust at the very least, and I think our government should cover every citizen. Isn't looking out for its citizens the government's job? If not, what is? I just can't get this thought together the way I want to because I have a lot to do and I never write any of it down, so it stresses me out till I get it done. I think the bus strike addresses a symptom rather than the disease of our times. People don't have healthcare and that's crap. We're all so selfish that as long as we and ours are covered, it really doesnt matter, till it hits us in the pocketbook. Every day is one day closer to the day the little people put it together they're being had and stop taking shit from the SUV set that puddle-splashes them while they wait obediently for a bus. It boils down to classism, and it's time to shake things up a little around here. What is it going to take for this situation to change?

a weird picture of a man in a dress dumping hershey's syrup all over himself after dumping god-knows what else all over himself.

Cowgirl pinups


e. coli

Will winter ever end? Will my car ever start? Will I ever be able to cope with my job? These and other questions answered in the months ahead here at, playing all the hits all the time.


I had the wildest dream last night. When I was telling people about it I didn't say it was a dream and they thought it was a movie I'd seen. They all wanted to see it too. So I started writing it down, and it's basically a story about a couple of guys with ADD. They are on the way to kill somebody but then some women pull up next to them and they just jump out of their car and let their car fly off a cliff. They start drinking beer and having a great time. After that, I think the story could be written so that they are all the time agreeing to go do really immoral, evil stuff, but they can never follow through because they get sidetracked, and go from one sidetrack to another. It's important to me that it be that way, too, with the sidetracks being more important to the story than the actual events. In other news, I am so sick of not having a team of assistants to go do all my great ideas. Mine is a life being wasted working.


Intros to old television shows, i like the fraggles and the A-team. It makes me want to be a kid again, watching TV. No, there is no Dukes of Hazzard.

Diva Milkshake
There's a woman under all that lard, I think. Not safe for work, not safe for appetite.


a guide to online humor.

I took two movies back today.

As I was checking them in, I asked if they were late. The girl behind the counter said yep, looks like they were one day late each. That comes to eight bucks and change in late fees. You only have to pay late fees every five days, so it's as if you rented them again. Makes sense. So I said I paid for an extra four days apiece and didn't get to take them home again, which seems messed up. She agreed. I said you owe me eight movie-days. She agreed but couldn't do anything about it what with the movies being checked back in and all. I left thinking I should get credit for those days, and was contemplating asking for a freebie rental to call it even (I still come out behind on the deal on a single five-day rental) until I ran into an old friend who told me a little story.

My friend works at a local restaurant, where an ex-manager of this same video store had come to work as a dishwasher after he quit pimping secondhand celluloid. The guy makes more washing dishes, and he also doesn't get pistol-whipped. Yeah. When he was working at the video store he got pistol-whipped twice for money by some of our less friendly dark-complected neighbors. Not to be a burden, he didn't press charges or anything, and I hope the company paid for the emergency medical care, but damn, the last thing I want to do to these poor bastards at the video store is ask them to kick the service up a notch when they come to work wondering if they're leaving with all their teeth once their shift is over. It stinks because the circumstances affect the ethics. It stinks because some waste of skin pulls up and beats up on people who work for a living, and it stinks because I'm aware of the fact that they deal with this danger every day and I can't bring myself to disrupt them with my trifles, even though my trifles are supposed to be their business. Once again, some jerk-off is fucking up the program for the honest people.


How Fresh Is This Guy?

With this blog as my meager weapon, I will offer this to the sea of information:

Metallica SUCKS, so don't send me those damn emails, ticketmaster, you whore!

At an unconventional time in my life I'm enjoying comic books. Here's a page of different comics, some not safe for work.

Blacktown! a politically incorrect black website

black scuba divers!

mulatto page! by mulattos! for mulattos!

solution to the "gay marriage problem"

Pinup-- Sissy Jennifer, safe for work, not safe for appetite
also, an open folder

heavy metal wallpaper gallery

jiggle, not safe for work

DOUGGPOUND, a video collection.
I recommend "perfect burger"


Thank you god, for your healing gift of religion.


Truer words were never spoken. A monologue from a recent IM session:

John says:
fucking job applications

i have a million of these goddamn things

they all ask shit like 'what are your hopes and dreams? did you like yourself when you were 11 or 12?"

"will you beat the shit out of kids for talking smack?"

"wouldn't it be cool of there was this bear and it was all "RAARGH" and you were all "fuck you" and you totally kicked its ass?"

applications suck.

What About Bones?
William Wegman meets Jack chick.
I hate to be so flat about it, but this is truly hilarious.

The crazy things we do for love.
Woman Dies in Stabbing; Her Heart Was Cut Out

Space Imaging. top ten images of 2003. I like victoria falls.


Downhill Battle - RIAA Information Awareness Activism (RIAA)

World-wide quality of life survey

Scary deep sea fish!


yahoo! vs. google: double flee


"Reviews of Movies that haven't come out yet and the reviewer hasn't seen or otherwise have any idea about.
Don't you hate reviews by writers with fancy degrees who have seen the movie and have informed opinions? Now's your chance to fight back!"

"The Ekpyrotic Model of the Universe proposes that our current universe arose from a collision of two three-dimensional worlds (branes) in a space with an extra (fourth) spatial dimension."
Ow! My brain! It hurts!
"Cosmologists Paul Steinhardt and Neil Turok have a radical idea that could wipe away these mysteries. They theorize that the cosmos was never compacted into a single point and did not spring forth in a violent instant. Instead, the universe as we know it is a small cross section of a much grander universe whose true magnitude is hidden in dimensions we cannot perceive. What we think of as the Big Bang, they contend, was the result of a collision between our three-dimensional world and another three-dimensional world less than the width of a proton away from ours—right next to us, and yet displaced in a way that renders it invisible. Moreover, they say the Big Bang is just the latest in a cycle of cosmic collisions stretching infinitely into the past and into the future. Each collision creates the universe anew. The 13.7-billion-year history of our cosmos is just a moment in this endless expanse of time."
That page, a little simpler.

There was a bum in the hospital today bothering people. Security made him leave.

He's a bum I've seen around the city for years. He used to offer to sing you a song for some money. Before you could answer, he'd start cooing some crazy song about the lord he was making up as he went. You'd give him a dollar and he'd stop. He was being paid to stop, and he seemed ok with that.

After the security guys kicked him out of the hospital he came around to where I was with the lovely Joyce. I was enjoying a tobacco treat. Some patients were out there too, all hooked up to their IV poles enjoying the mild weather and their own tobacco treats. This bum starts saying hey man, you got another cigarette, and I saw this as my big chance to represent the staff of our fine hospital. "Can you not bother the patients, please?" I asked as flatly as possible. Just as he was beginning to ask me very indelicately who I thought I was (whodaf...), the security guys came out. So instead he says "you got a cigarette?" I said "I don't smoke" and took a big drag. He was unhappy with this but accustomed as he is to authority, his rights as a sidewalk-person, and all the attenuating ins and outs, he mooched one from a country boy and smoked it while everybody else looked on. Security looked on and walked him a fair distance down the road before coming back.

Negatives: the lovely Joyce had to take the tunnel out of there because she didn't want to deal with the guy I pissed off, and I may get my ass handed to me someday by a very large vagrant with nothing to lose and a score to settle. This guy's a monster. Not good. I always think hell, I could get away, and I might, but you've got to consider a guy that big grabs you and it might be a little while before you break free. (When I was a kid the scariest thing I thought there was about fighting was if a guy took your face and mooshed it with his hand flat. I thought it would smear like clay and you'd just experience a stinky, bloody darkness. Some of that fear stays with me even though I kicked a guy's ass in jail because he called me a bitch. Granted, not totally relevant, but that's something you have to bring up every chance you get.)

Positives: the patient who didn't have to deal with the bum because I spoke up gave me a look of deep gratitude, and I got to feel like a helper.

The negatives seem to outweigh, but like procrastination always pays off now, I'd have to do it over again the same way. You don't go to a hospital to bum. Now that all the homeless people with the internet have read that, we can be sure to see less of them around. Once again, Dale to the rescue.

This reminds me of something I wrote about a week ago. "There are different reasons for telling stories.
Sometimes you tell stories because "hey, look how awesome I am because I did this", sometimes it's like a fable. Sometimes you just have to make sure that you're not going crazy..." Come up with all the reasons you can for telling stories and you're going to be wise in the ways of people.

I should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like me.

that baby knows what you're thinking

Don't mess with a big black woman... no you DI-un!!

extreme skater extremely breaks his wrist. video

We're Talking Vulva Film Clip

Shoes Of The Fisherman
More to come...

Well, chicks and dudes, here's what I can tell you. I love cheese. I got a hunk of cantal, some spectacular gouda, and a cave-aged gruyere, and I've been nibbling my way to nirvana these past few days. Dear mercy day.

Rented State and main again, it was better the first time. Rented Matchstick men, major disappointment. Rented Intolerable cruelty, also major disappointment. The Coen brothers have gone the way of the Wachowski. Suck city, here we come. Rotten tomatoes is the best thing that's ever happened to me movie-review-wise. There's not one time I go to the video store I don't wish I had the internet there with me so I could find out what kind of mistake I was about to make and then not make it for a change. What I'm getting at are the real stinkers. The ones you never admit to watching. The ones that when people ask "What did you do last night?" force you to respond with "Nothing. You know. Sat around."

Well, I, Dale, am making it safe for everyone to come out and talk about these bad experiences, and I want to hear from everyone. Yes, even you, hiding in the back there. I watched Cube 2: Hypercube. Not proud of it, but I did. I also watched the scheme. Be not afraid, children. Cast off your shame and come ino the light of forgiveness. Shitty movies own you no more.


Flash Forward: Flash Film Festival Finalists

When I was a kid our class took a field trip to a little town's phone exchange and we got to see how it worked. The biggest advance they'd made there was that they didn't need people to manually connect the calls any more. There were oily gears and shafts moving around; it was a phone exchange that worked with the clicky-dialers rather than tones. More of a museum than anything. Someday soon this flash stuff will be the same way, so look at it while it's here, before it turns into something else.


paper cd case
I can't tell you how long I've wanted one of these to appear like magic on the internet. And what do you know? Like magic, on the internet, it appeared.

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